BEING IMPORTANT  

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BEING IMPORTANT

Psychointegration Session
11/Sept/2007
By Jorge Raul Olguin

Can we have a concept which is the opposite from another concept and yet both concepts are united? Yes! Let’s talk about oneself. Oneself represents everybody. I have said it many times that we all are important. We are important without the approval of the others, we are important even though some people love us or hate us, we are important in spite of their acceptance or their rejection, we are important if we succeed at some things and even if we fail at other things. If we think otherwise it would mean that we live seeking the approval of others and we cannot live seeking the approval of others. Living a life seeking the approval of others is a role of ego. Then, we are important by ourselves. We are important even though we don’t reach a desired goal in a certain time. Otherwise we would be looking for success only. At a personal level we feel love for a person and we feel we are the best, but a certain day the things change and we feel like the most miserable person on Earth. This means that we are delegating the power to the other person so that he/she makes us feel happy or extremely unhappy. Who is giving that power to that person? We are the ones who give that power.

As I said in many opportunities, the power of the word does not exist, now I also say the same about people as a whole. If I take a hair and I put it on a table at 50 inches from me and with a thundering voice I say: ‘Move!’ The hair is not going to move even a tenth of a millimeter, this means that my word has no power at all. It might have energy, but my word has no power to move a single hair. How can I have the power to offend, to hurt using an insult, a contemptuous or hateful remark? Because the other person is giving me that power; that is the ego of the other person! But if I have my ego integrated and I know how valuable I am - not valuable from the pedestal of narcissism or pedantry, but valuable as a human being in terms of being able to help others- then, I will not be offended by scorn, no insult will have the power to hurt me, contempt is not going to harm me.

Then, now that we know that words have no power over us, the others have no power over us either. They say that love is the greatest feeling there is. I say that Love is the most beautiful feeling. It is the feeling that feeds us. The problem is that most of the times we are badly informed on what Love is. True Love is a Love that is fueled by personal and impersonal love, because only personal love is weak. Love is feeling, pure feeling, but when that love is mixed with personalized love it is fueled also by emotions. And there are emotions that are not good counselors. There are emotions that lead us to create new roles of control, such as jealousy, spitefulness, contempt, and we live torturing, manipulating or being manipulated.

One cannot live on the physical plane only with impersonal Love, because, as a matter of fact, personal love is beautiful. I think that it's one of the greatest treasures we have. Not only at the level of a lifetime partner, but also as a parent, a son, a daughter, etc. And it’s gratifying. The negative issue that spoils that kind of love has to do with our roles of ego that make us shiver and then we rely on that love. Not by feeling it, but when others feel it for us! And we become slaves, prisoners of the love that they can feel for us. And it's like a double-edged weapon because it gives us pleasure to know that they feel this love for us, but at the same time it’s also like a drug that causes addiction and dependence. Then, if they stop feeling that love for us we feel unhappy, because we are accustomed to that kind of love. 

Does this mean that it’s harmful to feel personal love? No! The important thing is to have balance and others will tell me: No! Having balance would be to measure love! And you yourself have said on more than one occasion that love is not measured if it’s big or small, just like an old song from three decades ago. It is true! So how do we measure love? We do not measure it! Ok. I do not measure love! So let's talk about physics... How does physics have to do with love? You'll see.

If we have a bottle of one liter of capacity and we pour half a liter of liquid in it and we want to add another liter of liquid, the whole liter will not fit into the bottle. At best half a liter will fit in the bottle. In that container will not fit more than one liter because that’s its capacity. The same would be if we put 600 cc plus 400 cc of another liquid that can be in that bottle, but always within the capacity of 1000 cc. All right. The container of love is full, but love can be enslaving if the other person does not feel that love and if we do not put into that love container dignity as well. Dignity has nothing to do with that foolish pride Ok? Dignity means that you don’t allow that the other person do to you what you would not do to him or her. Dignity is permissive with love, but it’s not permissive with pride, it’s not permissive with nonsensical behaviors, it’s not permissive with contempt, and it’s not accomplice of evil. When we are worthy, we are worthy only if we love ourselves. When we love ourselves it’s not ego, it's self-esteem, and if I am worthy I will not allow myself to fall apart if they don’t accept me.

Then, summarizing, as I said before Love is strengthened with balance and you told me: Love is a feeling, thus, Love cannot be balanced. However, Love is balanced with dignity and dignity is not felt. One is not pending to be worthy or to be loved. We have to incorporate it. Dignity does not give place to the ego. Dignity is not offended because it directly says ‘no’ when it must say ‘no’ period. Dignity is an excellent counselor. More than Good! To differentiate between being helpful or sycophantic at work, the sycophantic is the one who bows himself while flattering and then he gets no results. The helpful person is the one who is useful, but he/she knows when to say ‘no’ when others try to be unfair. Turn the other cheek, but not twice!

Returning to the beginning, we all are important, we are very important and our importance is not given by the approval of others, it’s given by our own approval, otherwise we would become successful seekers. We achieve a goal and we're the best. The following week we lose and then we are good-for-nothing. Then we are like a weather vane, which is moved by the wind. We fail and we are not good. We have a good result... Oh well, we are becoming important. Then, we are not human beings; we are leaves in the wind. In the wind of contempt, approval or applause. No. We are important because we are useful to ourselves and to others and we cannot allow that third parties stop us. Because no one has to take the helm of our lives except ourselves! Nobody! We cannot relinquish the helm, we cannot delegate, because we cannot allow that others control our lives, because we are not slaves of anyone. We cannot even be slaves of our own feelings. Because God gave us Free Will and the first thing we have to respect is our Free Will itself.

Now the second part, the opposite concept. We are not so important... we are not so important so that others live their lives paying attention to us, we are not so important so that others look at us - we can go to a place and go unnoticed, we are not so important to think that they are going to plot against us or there will be conspiracy, we are not so important so that others turn their heads to see us, because then we would become psychotic. Not neurotic, psychotic. We would have persecution complex, everyone plots against us... We are not so important! We are human beings like any other! We are not important enough to sneeze and everybody see us. We are not important enough so that they spy on us all the time. We are common people! But let’s see if we understand this, because if we are common people there it is our greatness. We are neither the best nor the worse. We are normal people. And within that normality is where we have that importance. In that normality we are important! Because we are Divine particles. And since we cannot be lenient with evil and contempt, we cannot be lenient with the alleged conspiracy.

Each one of us is the most important being there is for ourselves, but we are not so important unless we are a public figure. That is called balance and balance is what unites the opposites. Because if we start pursuing ourselves we would create a mental section in which we are persecuted by others. And it is not like that! We all are important! There will be people who love us, there will be people who accept us, there will be people for whom we are the world, there will be people for whom we are the most important beings, and there will be other people who treat us as if we were invisible. And that’s okay, Yes! Don’t we do the same? There are people who are loved by us with the bottom of the heart and some people who go unnoticed by us because we do not know who they are. Let’s not split hairs over this! Ha ha ha!

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