FACETS OF THE EGO  

Posted in

FACETS OF THE EGO

Psychointegration Session
10/Aug/2007
By Jorge Raul Olguin

Leaving aside that human beings think on esoteric terms that many things happen due to karma- I leave that for another technique- whenever I speak about Psychointegration I always try to pretend that it is the only perceptible thing there is. Then, I seek an answer for a certain issue from our own physical perception.

Most people have communication failures due to problems related to ego, as I said it many times most people think that the ego is only a pedantic stance, the narcissistic attitude, crossing the arms showing our figure above a pedestal... but the ego has a lot of facets, many different characteristics, all of them play the lead role... Many people in their communication have flaws because they were taught not to see beyond their own needs.

As I said it more than once, obviously at the beginning it’s important to help ourselves because we cannot help others if we are lying on the ground; I have said that in many opportunities. But many people feel comfortable with that role while asking for help, they get used to it, and although they have met their needs, they keep on seeking to obtain revenues from the other without offering anything in return. Society has to be an eternal exchange, you give me, I give you, you offer me, I offer you... If I get revenues, I have to allow that the other person gets them as well, because it is logical, it’s consistent and ethical, and it is true that sometimes in our way of sharing, other people might not think the same way and they can harm us, and suddenly people who are more inefficient apparently succeeded in the task we seek, or they get that position we were longing healthily, and in that moment we start feeling as if the failures are more continuous than the achievements we are getting sporadically.

Here we are not pointing out, we are generalizing, and within that generality, there are different aspects. There are people who do move, who take care of something and that is important - and yet they fail to take the final step to achieve that goal, because in many cases this goal does not depend on their own efforts, sometimes depends on third parties because we live in a society in which although we are independent as individuals, we are not independent as a family, in our working place, our city, our country... Then, it's like somehow we have our rights and we have our duties, but sometimes it is true that a person who strives healthily can be a victim of another person who demands his rights but does not fulfill his obligations, and this person, who is climbing to the road of struggle, slides down due to failure from these third parties who may be employers, interviewers, bosses, or people who recommend others, and many times the working part precisely falls for this failure from third parties.

In some cases, due to reasons of ego, we feel comfortable with those roles of victim, and it is easier to blame the person who did not pay attention to us, or the gentleman who did not answer the phone than to blame ourselves for not having insisted or have been in a comfortable position, and then the role of victim in this case justifies everything, figuratively speaking because in fact it does not justify anything, the role of victim is a negative stance because all it gets is that the person gets hooked into that vicious circle and doesn’t move forward.

The same cracks that exist in an employment relationship exist sometimes in an affective relationship. Affective relationships lack of dialogue, tenderness and respect... and many people, perhaps most of them, have a misguided definition of respect. Respect, as I have said many times, means to consider the others, to value others, to make the other realize that he/she is important, even though the other has no ego and does not need the approval from the others, but it's good to highlight it. As it’s good if one is the boss to make it clear to an employee, who has performed a remarkable job that afternoon: “You did well finishing the memos! What would have I done without you!” That is, it does not matter if the other has ego or not or if somehow he/she requires stimulation, but the stimulation is not bad. It's good when a teacher tells you: “You have improved in your test. Congratulations!” and it does not mean that one has many roles of ego that requires the teacher’s approval and without that approval the student cannot live. It's just having that applause, just like the actor who needs accolade too. But do not think that the need of applause is vanity in all cases. We are not robots, we are sentient beings and when the ego is integrated, it does not mean that the ego is destroyed, the ego always sticks out its head.

Because many times we have compared a certain pride to part of the ego. But it’s a healthy pride to have a relative, a brother, cousin, son, or friend... who suddenly had a certification, a diploma; or a child who is the valedictorian in the school, Isn’t a nice pride? , Isn’t healthy? That a child comes and says: “I've got an A+.” I do not think that it's ego from the excited mother. In the end, we all play certain roles, because we cannot be exempt from the roles. Although we have 0% of ego, we play roles of mom, dad, son, teacher, bartender, waitress, maid, clerk, a man who collects the trash... We are roles, because we are fulfilling a role in this society, and we cannot escape from that, at least not in this world. Then the important thing is to adjust ourselves.

How good it would be a society where everyone was a piece of a puzzle, and each piece of the puzzle would fit! But we, as humans, are so stubborn; that if we see an empty place we believe that we are part of that place and the next one also believes to be part of that place, then, they compete to get into that place and tear each other apart to see who comes first in that place, when probably the other can make another place.

Generally we are not capable to be supportive, I mean there are countless solidarity chains in the world, but they are buried in the large amount of indifference too. There are 4 people with a green flag screaming that we must save the animals, the panda, the koala, the whale... and meanwhile those people are screaming with a green flag, in the same period of time 10 acres of forest and 500 trees were chopped down. It would be laughable if it were not so sad, laughable if it would not be ironic, So, where are we going?

I commented before I gave the feeling- and here I pretend that I am an invisible spectator, as if I was the person who observes but who is not seen. People actually do not realize that this planet is finite, it’s a limited planet, 40 000 Km. of circumference, it’s limited and it’s being destroyed. So, if a man ignores that he is destroying his own habitat, Can he realize that he is destroying his friend, his partner or his family? And there are the most selfish people, who say: “Well I’m old and I have little time on this planet.” But Don’t they have children or grandchildren? What are they leaving to their offspring?

We tend to see the little things, suddenly there is a car crash and we are scared because we saw a man injured who has blood flowing from his head, but we see on the news a catastrophe that an entire building collapsed and we say that it’s a pity, but we do not take it personal. It was more shocking to us when we saw a man’s head bleeding than a whole building disaster in which hundreds of people died, because we do not take consciousness. A bridge is destroyed, it’s displayed on the news, dozens of cars falling, and all that they say is: “Oh! but they look like toy cars looking in perspective! And they do not see that each little story is a drama. They are afraid to hug, they are afraid to touch, they are afraid to feel due to that stupid macho behavior that was instilled in their brains with foolishness, other people feel shyness, others are full of prejudice and they say: “I do not have to hug that person!,” other people have a false concept of Puritanism because if one is Puritan one does not have to hug! Isn’t that hypocritical? Isn’t fake all of that?

Here we are not trying to impose a way of looking at life, but to show that everyone finds his own way, but finding it with happiness, without hypocrisy, and sometimes we think that someone put us in a certain place, with a blindfold, we choose a certain person, and perhaps later on when we open our eyes we see that the person we chose was not compatible, we feel resigned. I believe that a man does not have to give up on anything; I believe that human beings have to fight all the physical life.

Let us not be prisoners of the traditional religions that enslave us to a concept, an idea, or a mistaken view of what sin means. Here we have to be happy, be happy avoiding as much as possible, I said: avoiding as much as possible, although it’s not always possible, not to hurt others. Because we have to exercise our freedom without creating hostile acts towards us and obviously hostile acts against others. Instead, we must seek the welfare of others; obviously we can also seek our own welfare. However, sometimes there are choices, as the proverb which says has more than a century ago "they put us between the devil and the deep blue sea," and we have to choose, because we have the free will to choose. Anyway, I always said that the impulsive reactive mind has to be completely ‘off’ when one has to choose a path of work, couple, family, a career, a move, a trip... Everything that a man has it scheduled he has to do with his analytical mind, there must be zero momentum in that.

All kind of coexistence has to be positive, and due to my short or long experience I see that most people living together, couples, families, leave much to be desired in their coexistence, very much. Once I was talking to a friend, sitting in his car, and he said: “Jorge, how many people do you know who truly vibrate in tune at an emotional level?” And I had the fingers of one hand to count them, less than that to count them. We are not talking about coexistence in a routine way, where a 50-year-old lady in the 50s of the twentieth century is sewing with her machine "Singer", while her husband reads the newspaper, because they can live up to 80 years without a single argument, but they neither say hello, I’m not talking about that. I was lucky and fortunate, and I’m still lucky to find couples who in one minute they are capable to show love to each other more than other couples show in months.
So long.

This entry was posted on Friday, September 27, 2013 and is filed under .
Blogger Templates