|
FACETS OF THE
EGO
Psychointegration Session
10/Aug/2007
By Jorge Raul Olguin.
Leaving aside that human beings think on esoteric terms that
many things happen due to karma- I leave that for another technique- whenever I
speak about Psychointegration I always try to pretend
that it is the only perceptible thing there is. Then, I seek an answer for a
certain issue from our own physical perception.
Most people have communication failures due to problems related to
ego, as I said it many times most people think that the ego is only a pedantic
stance, the narcissistic attitude, crossing the arms showing our figure above a
pedestal... but the ego has a lot of facets, many different characteristics, all
of them play the lead role... Many people in their communication have flaws
because they were taught not to see beyond their own
needs.
As I said it more than once, obviously at the beginning it’s
important to help ourselves because we cannot help others if we are lying on the
ground; I have said that in many opportunities. But many people feel comfortable
with that role while asking for help, they get used to it, and although they
have met their needs, they keep on seeking to obtain revenues from the other
without offering anything in return. Society has to be an eternal exchange, you
give me, I give you, you offer me, I offer you... If I get revenues, I have to
allow that the other person gets them as well, because it is logical, it’s
consistent and ethical, and it is true that sometimes in our way of sharing,
other people might not think the same way and they can harm us, and suddenly
people who are more inefficient apparently succeeded in the task we seek, or
they get that position we were longing healthily, and in that moment we start
feeling as if the failures are more continuous than the achievements we are
getting sporadically.
Here we are not pointing out, we are generalizing, and within that
generality, there are different aspects. There are people who do move, who take
care of something and that is important - and yet they fail to take the final
step to achieve that goal, because in many cases this goal does not depend on
their own efforts, sometimes depends on third parties because we live in a
society in which although we are independent as individuals, we are not
independent as a family, in our working place, our city, our country... Then,
it's like somehow we have our rights and we have our duties, but sometimes it is
true that a person who strives healthily can be a victim of another person who
demands his rights but does not fulfill his obligations, and this person, who is
climbing to the road of struggle, slides down due to failure from these third
parties who may be employers, interviewers, bosses, or people who recommend
others, and many times the working part precisely falls for this failure from
third parties.
In some cases, due to reasons of ego, we feel comfortable with those
roles of victim, and it is easier to blame the person who did not pay attention
to us, or the gentleman who did not answer the phone than to blame ourselves for
not having insisted or have been in a comfortable position, and then the role of
victim in this case justifies everything, figuratively speaking because in fact
it does not justify anything, the role of victim is a negative stance because
all it gets is that the person gets hooked into that vicious circle and doesn’t
move forward.
The same cracks that exist in an employment relationship exist
sometimes in an affective relationship. Affective relationships lack of
dialogue, tenderness and respect... and many people, perhaps most of them, have
a misguided definition of respect. Respect, as I have said many times, means to
consider the others, to value others, to make the other realize that he/she is
important, even though the other has no ego and does not need the approval from
the others, but it's good to highlight it. As it’s good
if one is the boss to make it clear to an employee, who has performed a
remarkable job that afternoon: “You did well finishing the memos! What would
have I done without you!” That is, it does not matter if the other has ego or
not or if somehow he/she requires stimulation, but the stimulation is not bad.
It's good when a teacher tells you: “You have improved in your test.
Congratulations!” and it does not mean that one has many roles of ego that
requires the teacher’s approval and without that approval the student cannot
live. It's just having that applause, just like the actor who needs accolade
too. But do not think that the need of applause is vanity in all cases. We are
not robots, we are sentient beings and when the ego is integrated, it does not
mean that the ego is destroyed, the ego always sticks out its
head.
Because many times we have compared a certain pride to part of the
ego. But it’s a healthy pride to have a relative, a brother, cousin, son, or
friend... who suddenly had a certification, a diploma; or a child who is the
valedictorian in the school, Isn’t a nice pride? , Isn’t healthy? That a child
comes and says: “I've got an A+.” I do not think that it's ego from the excited
mother. In the end, we all play certain roles, because we cannot be exempt from
the roles. Although we have 0% of ego, we play roles of mom, dad, son, teacher,
bartender, waitress, maid, clerk, a man who collects the trash... We are roles,
because we are fulfilling a role in this society, and we cannot escape from
that, at least not in this world. Then the important thing is to adjust
ourselves.
How good it would be a society where everyone was a piece of a
puzzle, and each piece of the puzzle would fit! But we, as humans, are so
stubborn; that if we see an empty place we believe that we are part of that
place and the next one also believes to be part of that place, then, they
compete to get into that place and tear each other apart to see who comes first
in that place, when probably the other can make another
place.
Generally we are not capable to be supportive, I mean there are
countless solidarity chains in the world, but they are buried in the large
amount of indifference too. There are 4 people with a green flag screaming that
we must save the animals, the panda, the koala, the whale... and meanwhile those
people are screaming with a green flag, in the same period of time 10 acres of
forest and 500 trees were chopped down. It would be laughable if it were not so
sad, laughable if it would not be ironic, So, where are we
going?
I commented before I gave the feeling- and here I pretend that I am
an invisible spectator, as if I was the person who observes but who is not seen.
People actually do not realize that this planet is finite, it’s a limited
planet, 40 000 Km. of circumference, it’s limited and it’s being destroyed. So,
if a man ignores that he is destroying his own habitat, Can he realize that he
is destroying his friend, his partner or his family? And there are the most
selfish people, who say: “Well I’m old and I have little time on this planet.”
But Don’t they have children or grandchildren? What are they leaving to their
offspring?
We tend to see the little things, suddenly there is a car crash and
we are scared because we saw a man injured who has blood flowing from his head,
but we see on the news a catastrophe that an entire building collapsed and we
say that it’s a pity, but we do not take it personal. It was more shocking to us
when we saw a man’s head bleeding than a whole building disaster in which
hundreds of people died, because we do not take consciousness. A bridge is
destroyed, it’s displayed on the news, dozens of cars falling, and all that they
say is: “Oh! but they look like toy cars looking in
perspective! And they do not see that
each little story is a drama. They are afraid to hug, they are afraid to touch,
they are afraid to feel due to that stupid macho behavior that was instilled in
their brains with foolishness, other people feel shyness, others are full of
prejudice and they say: “I do not have to hug that person!,” other people have a
false concept of Puritanism because if one is Puritan one does not have to hug!
Isn’t that hypocritical? Isn’t fake all of that?
Here we are not trying to impose a way of looking at life, but to
show that everyone finds his own way, but finding it with happiness, without
hypocrisy, and sometimes we think that someone put us in a certain place, with a
blindfold, we choose a certain person, and perhaps later on when we open our
eyes we see that the person we chose was not compatible, we feel resigned. I
believe that a man does not have to give up on anything; I believe that human
beings have to fight all the physical life.
Let us not be prisoners of the traditional religions that enslave us
to a concept, an idea, or a mistaken view of what sin means. Here we have to be
happy, be happy avoiding as much as possible, I said: avoiding as much as
possible, although it’s not always possible, not to hurt others. Because we have
to exercise our freedom without creating hostile acts towards us and obviously
hostile acts against others. Instead, we must seek the welfare of others;
obviously we can also seek our own welfare. However, sometimes there are
choices, as the proverb which says has more than a century ago "they put us
between the devil and the deep blue sea," and we have to choose, because we have
the free will to choose. Anyway, I always said that the impulsive reactive mind
has to be completely ‘off’ when one has to choose a path of work, couple,
family, a career, a move, a trip... Everything that a man has it scheduled he
has to do with his analytical mind, there must be zero momentum in
that.
All kind of coexistence has to be positive, and due to my short or
long experience I see that most people living together, couples, families, leave
much to be desired in their coexistence, very much. Once I was talking to a
friend, sitting in his car, and he said: “Jorge, how many people do you know who
truly vibrate in tune at an emotional level?” And I had the fingers of one hand
to count them, less than that to count them. We are not talking about
coexistence in a routine way, where a 50-year-old lady in the 50s of the
twentieth century is sewing with her machine "Singer", while her husband reads
the newspaper, because they can live up to 80 years without a single argument,
but they neither say hello, I’m not talking about that. I was lucky and
fortunate, and I’m still lucky to find couples who in one minute they are
capable to show love to each other more than other couples show in
months.
So
long.
|
