AFFECTIVE UPS AND DOWNS
Psychointegration Session
22/Nov/2006
By Jorge Raul Olguin.
It has been said several times that Psychointegration provides the
tools to eradicate the roles of ego. Those roles that immersed us in vanity and
those roles that tear us down with low self-esteem.
Roles of ego that make us quite permissive, or roles of
ego that transform us in despots. It would be a great mistake if we think that
all our affective problems can be solved by eradicating these roles of ego, I
mean ‘solved’, in the sense that the affected person would think that he/she has
achieved his/her purpose of returning to that state of happiness, which was
seemingly lost.
However, the subject goes through another part. Being the person
de-identified, without those roles of ego that pull from one side to the other,
he/she has no longer the sign on the forehead of permissive or despot,
manipulative or inoperative, there are no labels. The person becomes a master of
his/her own actions, and the roles of ego do not operate anymore, but the
individual becomes self-determined.
The person will have the stars to guide him, “Love and Dignity.”
Because true Love cannot exist without Dignity. I have said it many times that
when we were children they taught us: “Do not do to others what you wouldn’t
want others to do to you.” Dignity teaches us, “You don’t allow others do to you
what you would not do to them.” Dignity means learning to say ‘no’, because
there are many people who depend on the approval of others and they don’t dare
to say ‘no’ because they fear of a possible loss, they don’t dare to say ‘no’
because they are afraid of what other people will say, they don’t dare to say
‘no’ because they are afraid of a terrible answer, they don’t dare to say ‘no’
because they don’t consider to themselves.
We know that the aspiration of every human being, apart from loving
everybody in an impersonal way, which is something that we all should do, is to
love in a personal way and to be loved personally. But who did not go through a
situation in which sometimes we see a target who does not keep his/her eyes on
us? We also lived situations in which we started a relationship and either we
changed or the other person changed, because we are not robots, we are embodied
spirits, and we can evolve or regress. One of the parties can move to a higher
vibration or to a denser vibration or remain in the same vibrational plane. Or
perhaps we lived a relationship which was apparently compatible in the
beginning, but at this moment it is not compatible, or at least not for one of
the partners. The other partner, who is absolutely dependent on that love, which
in fact is not love but a mirage, is not going to see or care or will not want
to understand that his/her partner does not exist anymore, and in the short term
he/she will want to keep near that love which is no longer
reciprocated.
You can ask me then, How come that love became and unrequited love?
Because as I have said on several occasions one of the strongest parts of Love
is Respect. And when you do not consider your partner; that means disrespect,
because disrespect is not only an insult, an aggression or an assault.
Disrespect, and I have said it in other sessions of psychointegration, has to do
with ignoring your partner, disregarding the other person or making decisions
without consulting the other partner, or changing the roles where one person is
right and the dependent person is wrong.
How does Psychointegration solve the suffering of the dependent
person from that love?
Giving to that person the main tool to rediscover himself/ herself, “Understanding that no spirit needs the
approval of others, because we all are important in some way or another and we
all are unique!”
Of course there are spirits with more knowledge, who convey concepts
faster, and these concepts are transmitted to the embodied being on the physical
plane. There will be faster and slower people when understanding something,
people who are more enlightened, and people who are less
enlightened.
It is not true that all the spirits are equal! However, there are
other things that make us equal such as Love and Dignity. For if we have
Dignity, we understand that we all are unique. Let’s remember that for the
spirit, for every spirit, the power to offer assistance to others is paramount,
and the spirit who has not found this capacity yet will not evolve, not in the
way that we would want to.
A Tibetan Master said: "Every human being is useful in the measure
that he serves". In a phrase I would say that this is the most important thing,
I believe that this is really important, (being useful to the other.) This
society is so materialistic that typecasts human beings by the color of the
skin, their bank account, or if the person is male or female (yes, also that).
People value other people according to how they have achieved success in that
society. But when one is living in the spirit, this is the least important
thing, because the spirit has no bank account, no race, no color, and no
religion. The spirit only believes in Love and Dignity, and the spirit is part
of the Creator, because we all have the same
opportunities.
And if sometimes we don’t see these opportunities on the physical
plane it’s because we chose in advance, from the spiritual plane, to embody in a
particular place, in a particular family, under certain circumstances in order
to learn certain karmic lessons, but since we do not remember, because we have
no reincarnative memory, we simply say that life is
unfair with us. One will not be inclined to cultivate that relationship if one
sees that the other person does nothing, like a person who is willing to love,
but love is not available to him, because personal love means needing, personal
love is fueled from feelings and emotions. Personal love, being part of emotion,
can manipulate through indifference if one person has control over the
relationship.
A relationship, I’m not saying perfect, because on the physical plane
there is no perfection. An almost perfect relationship would be where both
partners pay attention to each other, where both partners respect each other,
where both partners compete to offer assistance to each other, where one is
looking after the other; however, this does not mean suffocating each other, but
understanding and respecting the space and silence of the other
partner.
For example, I was told that a friend was a teacher, paying attention
to the other does not mean smothering that person, not at all. Why do we
misunderstand this position? One thing is to be permanently indifferent, and the
other is to be always on top of the other, suffocating the person. In a
relationship, where two people love each other, it’s normal that one pays
attention to the other, but there are times when the other person needs to do
things and he/she needs a space to be alone and that's not bad, not bad at
all.
Although it’s not easy to fill with love everything that one really
wants, Psychointegration teaches us that if you hold
your Dignity up high, you will be important, even if you live without that love
you long for, even if that love reciprocates to you drop by drop or even if it’s
an unrequited love, because although it’s important for you that you have found
love, you think that you're important in the measure that they love you, and
it’s not like that. “You are important because you love, not because others love
you.” If other people love you it would be a consequence, if they don’t love
you; that’s their problem and not a problem of yours. However, the most
important thing is that the universe is like a child and in the measure that we
are worthy, we will create worthy people like us.
If you behave with Dignity, without thinking that breaking up with a
love is a failure, but thinking that it’s the incentive to live that love with a
different behavior on your behalf, or living with a new love whom you deserve
more, even if you shine in a different way, you will attract what until now you
did not attract with a behavior similar to the role of victim. Because if you
feel sorry for yourself you cannot attract love, not even pity is attracted. One
attracts the role of victim, and the role of victim is a feeling of the ego
unlike piety, which will be a greater feeling, it would be like a feeling of
grief or sadness, but from the impersonal way, not appreciating the person as a
gem, but saying, “You are worthy and you have ups and downs,” but I can also
give you a hand, that's piety, unlike the daily emotional pity that looks down
on someone.
If we inspire pity, we know very well what people like or dislike, it
would be the opposite effect to which we want to achieve on the other person,
which is admiration. Pity does not inspire admiration, it inspires more pity. On
the contrary, Dignity inspires admiration. (I can be lying on the ground, but
with my head held high.) Even when we are in the worst moment, we try as far as
possible to be worthy. Dignity means also learning to say ‘no’ when something is
wrong, or if something is not good for us. And not being permissive trying to
see if being lenient with the other person we will achieve what we couldn’t so
far.
Being permissive we will not achieve it, because unfortunately there
are people so quick in their minds, but in their thinking they are like machines
that can read our thoughts, metaphorically speaking, because there is no
telepathy on the physical plane. We convey with our intentions that the more
permissive we are, the more they will be able to manipulate us and we will
achieve the opposite result. The complication of the tools to say, “I'm
important, but I'm not important because of my achievements, I am important for
all I have to offer,” because there are people who have a lot of capacity, but
they fall apart when other people close the doors on them and so they no longer
believe they are important. I don’t think so.
If the human being were important due to his conquests, if a man were
important for his achievements. Does that mean that the human being is
important? Perhaps for the approval of others? It’s not like that, no. I want to
make it very clear to avoid any misunderstanding, of course that everyone is
important, everyone including myself, not because of our achievements, but we do
not have to live for the goal, but for the quest. The goal will be the end of my
life, because when I reach the goal, What else? I have to keep looking for more
and more goals. The purpose of writing this Psychointegration session is aimed at those people who have
found a partner and they have become dormant, they are lost on the way, they
have the mental agility neglected, and those qualities that made them valuable
as people are hidden to them.
However, they forget the main thing; they forget that they have to conquer
his/her partner every day. How many times they have been told they are well
prepared, but love is like a plant that has to be watered regularly? Psychointegration is also applied to that, because as well
as we have to cultivate our spirit, Who said that we should neglect our body? In
a note that I have written many years ago I explained that we are like a rider
on a horse. I explained that our body is the horse and the rider is our spirit
that guides us in life. We must take care of the horse. We must take care of the
physical part, so that our spirit keeps on riding. But we do not have to neglect
our spirit either. The spirit-rider, the horse-body must go together with
Dignity. There is no need to be perfect in life because in this life, the only
perfect one is God, Eon.
We are in the quest of perfection. Perfection which we will find
through Love and Dignity. But let’s remember that Love means giving, and from
giving through Service we can actually receive. However, if that person, from
whom we hope to receive love, does not reciprocate our love, we are not the poor
if we remain without that love. The poorer will be the person who has nothing
inside to give.
If we understand this truth, we will embark on a new stage of life. A
stage in which we all are valuable and worthy because we knew how to love at
least. What about the other? Did he/she know how to love? We will look at those
who are poor and rich in love. Because so far they have taught us in the wrong
way, we were taught that the poor is the one who does not receive love, and they
told us that the rich is the one who has love everywhere, when the reality is
totally different… “The rich is the one who knows how to give Love, and the poor
is the one who does not know how to Love, the one who is waiting for love
everywhere.” because that is a façade, it is only a
façade.
That will be over. I will not contradict myself, but let’s think that
the horse that carries the rider on the road of life is withering away. Then,
those narcissistic people who only think about the physical part do not realize
that if they do not cultivate what really matters (the spirit inside), they will
be left with nothing, with a physical and a spiritual part withered, with
nothing. I think it’s the opposite.
And I say it in a very humble way, it’s the opposite. Let’s choose to
Love, let’s concentrate on Dignity. And let’s not think that we are poor and
lonely because we didn’t receive that love from other people. We are rich!
Because we had Love inside and we offered to others. As long as we understand
that we are rich in Love and Dignity, we will attract true Love like a magnet.
Perhaps we have that love now, or that love is gone already, or maybe that love
has not yet come.
Let’s
get to work!
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