INTROVERSION AND ALOOFNESS  

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INTROVERSION AND ALOOFNESS

Psychointegration Session
11/Dic/2006
By Jorge Raul Olguin.

Today we will talk about the lack of communication among people and we will delve into why sometimes certain shyness can make us introverted people, preventing us to develop relationships or playing the roles of a partner or a friend. This is one of the most difficult topics because there is no single explanation for it, to the point that it could be a hundred pathways with a hundred different answers. We will try to respond all those answers and try to put together some key answers.

First and foremost, each embodied being is unique on the face of the planet, and every spirit is unique in the vibrational plane that it inhabits. Each being is unique because in this creation God created us in that way. There will be beings that will have more depth and there will be beings that will be more "shallow".

One of the answers might be that the fault is not always ours when we are incapable to communicate with others, because sometimes due to this desire to deepen within us, we perceive other people as irrelevant. However, we are not seeing it from prejudice towards the other, we are not cataloging the other person as empty or shallow, it’s simply that from our spiritual experience, many people may look futile to our understanding, in the sense that our conversation would not have any Empathy: It wouldn’t be compatible.

However, on the other hand, if I had to play the role of defense attorney of the other party, to whom we cataloged as "irrelevant", we would say: “Ok, he who really wants to delve inside himself, also has to know how to put himself into the other person’s shoes, trying to understand the other, tolerating, seeing his point of view, understanding his personality, trying to figure out his thoughts” ... I know that in many cases, doing that little or great effort, we will be able to perceive the depth of that person, who appeared to us as irrelevant in the first place. That person might not speak in the same language, figuratively speaking, his way of being may seem more superficial, but surely if we tried, from the bottom of our hearts, to perceive the inner-self of the other person, surely we would discover something great in other people and we'll get a big pleasant surprise.

Let’s not see it from the point of view that the other person seems to us irrelevant; Let’s look at it from the standpoint that we feel unable to communicate. Do we feel incapable because we feel small? Do we feel incapable because we say "we will not be accepted"? Do we nullify us before of being tested? Because that is a role of ego: auto-disqualifying ourselves in a competition, stepping aside because we feel small... They all are roles of ego.

I will demystify something. Many times I have spoken, in several sessions of Psychointegration, that by not personalizing, by not playing the lead role, by being de-personalized and de-identifying ourselves, there will not be any role that can exert any control over us and we will be able to move forward. This doesn’t mean that we are going to be immune to everything or that we are going to like everyone or everyone will like us, because there is another factor: the factor related to energy vibration of the aura in each one of us. There are people who can be pleasant at first sight, but that doesn’t mean that knowing better that person we will keep that perception. As well as in the previous example, we can find a pleasant surprise. Then, we never have to evaluate the first impression of a person on the whole. We always have to give a second chance, for our sake, to know a person better.

But now, Do we know ourselves? Many times we influence ourselves, we invalidate ourselves, we step aside because we think that we are incapable to perform a certain task... Surely we are very helpful on our jobs; we are probably very helpful with ourselves with regard to our abstract thoughts. However, we feel unable to validate a friendship or to validate a relationship.

One way to deal with this situation is doing it without any pressure. Not thinking, “I have to do this.” No, No. It would be like a person who cannot swim and says, “Well, I will swim on deep waters and I will see if I can swim,” No, no. That task can be done slowly, little by little. One can gather with a small group of people and have a short conversation, without the need to relate personal things, without the need to wear our armor on the table and reveal ourselves immediately. We can open ourselves slowly. The other person can do the same thing or not.

One of the easiest ways to empathize with others is to mimic postures, gestures or imitate dialogues. Here I don’t mean that one doesn’t have his own personality and has to copy from the other. Here I’m talking about trying to create a bond of empathy with other person. I don’t mean that one doesn’t have a personal opinion and say yes to everything in order to look good, because that would be seeking the approval of others and that is ego, we have said it previously. No, no, I’m referring that in a conference with people we know, one can sit at a table and talk about various topics, there’s no need to have a general knowledge or a broad understanding on a certain topic. And assuming or acknowledging that when we do not know about a certain issue we can say: "Oh, I know very little about that topic." We shouldn’t be ashamed about that, because the feeling of shame, when not knowing about a certain topic, it’s also an egotistical stance. Nobody knows everything about everything. It’s good to know a little about everything in order to have a dialogue with all the people.

We cannot catalog a young girl, who only talks about fashion, as limited or classify a young man, who talks all the time about disco music or sports, as irrelevant. Aren’t we becoming censors? What in Freudian psychology would be called the super-ego, which is also a role of ego that points the finger at us. A philosopher once said, “Flee from the too pure, who are like distilled water, which is not drinkable” Let's not be too pure, let’s be like running water or like tap water that has bacteria but, nonetheless, it’s drinkable.
It seems that sometimes it's hard to be a common denominator rather than to be someone special. Because many times we believe that we are special and perhaps you will tell me: “How redundant! Surely he will say now that being special is a role of ego!” Sometimes it's good to mingle with the common denominator. The word ‘ordinary’ that many people may find it offensive means not trying to stand out, it means trying to empathize with as many people as possible. Then, through dialogue, one will separate the chaff from the wheat.

By saying this I want that you all understand me, when I say separating the wheat from the chaff, for instance, to us some people can be wheat and the rest would be chaff, to others that chaff may be the best wheat. This means that someone who doesn’t empathize with us can empathize with others. And it’s fine that this happens. It doesn’t mean that to whom we categorized as chaff be chaff. To us he is chaff. However, even among the great Masters there may be some who are more sympathetic than others, and although all of them, in some way, vibrate depending on service, it doesn’t mean that all of them have to agree on every issue.

Let’s learn to accept people. Let’s learn to accept our surroundings. Let’s not become the judges or jury looking for the mistake on others and then we find the excuse to not fraternize. Let’s not hide in our alleged shyness trying not to intimate with the other.
I think that the first step is to look at each other, the second step is to shake our hands tightly, the third step is to embrace each other with a sincere hug, not a lustful hug, but a hug in which the spirits find each other. However, in order to be honest with each other, we have to be honest with ourselves first. Accepting ourselves first and then accepting the others. And not being with the prejudice wondering what happens if they do not accept us, because that would be under pressure. One has to go to a meeting, one has to meet people without any pressure. And without any preconceived expectation.

A street proverb says, "We have already a ‘no’ for answer, let’s get the ‘yes’.” If we get the negative answer, we already had it from the beginning. And there is another saying, "Failure is not dying, is to start over." This means that we will not have the certainty of success from the first attempt we try to socialize. Things can be good, fair or bad. And if the last thing happens, it doesn’t mean that we mark an X since we were rejected or we were knocked out of the competition. No, no. Every human being is unpredictable; we ourselves are unpredictable in our everyday attitudes, because even a person who has the ego very integrated, the ego will sometimes rise its head and it will make us do what we shouldn’t do.

In this first part of Psychointegration we can get involved with others and I would like to end with words related to prejudice, “Do Not prejudge others,” but the most important thing is that we “Don’t prejudge ourselves.” Let’s not have a preconception of us because any preconception is going to stop us in our intention to serve other people.
That would be all for the moment. Thank you.

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