CRISIS AND HATCHING

CRISIS AND HATCHING Psychointegration Session 30/Jan/2008 By Jorge Raul Olguin.   Every human being hatches in a different way compared to another human being when he has a crisis or when he has to make a choice or a decision to take, or a project that is not fully prepared. The hatching may be due to physical or psychological symptoms and since no one is like the other, everyone hatches in a different way. In many cases it has to do with the unconscious eagerness of the person. The desire is not always recognized by the person who suffers from it, and it can be a pretty serious symptom because it can undermine the energy of the person. In many cases this desire can be confused with anxiety because the throat chakra can produce a feeling of choking, a feeling of despair ... or in many cases is a slight feeling that disappears. Desire is a result of something internal, which is growing and it’s bigger than greed itself. Maybe greed itself is a warning call of an internal process that the person is going through. As I said at the beginning, each one of us hatches differently, but there is no one who does not carry a particular problem. We can have conscious or unconscious problems. Internal problems that our inner-self is gestating and we, who live in the physical world, are distracted from everything, even from ourselves; we don’t realize what is happening to us. That hatching due to each specific crisis that each one us has suffered, one, two , three, even ten times in different situations... Let's see, throughout our lives we can go through a particular problem and we can solve it or not. In short time we can feel a hatching in our physical part, in our psychological part and we can go through one crisis to another and another, which may be similar or quite different from the previous one, but it undermines our body and psyche. And the symptoms may be severe. At the same time, and this is not something for the person to feel good, who says: -Ah! Then I was not responsible - because the ego always makes us demarcate responsibility, but it’s true that the same crisis sometimes alters our behavior. It changes our nature, our manners, our way of being, our dialogue and personality, etc.  It alters us internally. In fact, the ego has a lot to do with it, because the ego is pushing us to be dependent, because the ego enjoys the various roles. Dependency allows that the role played by the ego be one that it likes the most. What is it? The role of victim. The role of victim is the favorite role of the ego, because with that role it can manipulate others. With its own "weakness” it’s like the ego takes pleasure to that victim role, because it sees that the power to manipulate others makes it feel good. And sometimes blaming. I'm thinking in that situation because it was the fault of... It's like that in some way the role of ego on one hand plays the victim role and on the other hand it does not assume responsibilities. Responsibility and ego are on the opposite sidewalks, because the ego will never take responsibility. The blame will be always from a third party for everything that happens to us. Always in all the cases. Although the harmful decisions have been taken by us. Because there will always be a justification for the ego. - Sure! That decision was made by me... but I was forced by the other person, by circumstances, due to many reasons in life because I had extra pressure behind me, etc.  Actually I am not guilty of what happened. I was just a victim. The ego loves to do that! This work called Psychointegration has no magic formula. What it does is that the person analyzes his own inner-self in order to take control and doesn’t give place for the roles of ego. No victim role or role of inquisitor, no roles. The person must be as he/she is! I always said there are two possibilities when a mistake is made. Guilt and responsibility. Guilty is the person who has committed a hostile act on purpose. I have committed a negative act on purpose, then I am guilty. Now, if I did something with clumsiness, negligence, carelessness or distraction, then I was wrong about something and I’m responsible, not guilty, but we, as human beings, have to assume that responsibility as well. As young people usually say: To assume that responsibility. Because the ego does not take any responsibility. It is true that in this society we live in, although there is free will and we are masters of our own destiny; and therapists who write great books say - We are masters of our own fate; that's to take with a grain of salt! I'm not against that position! I approve that position from those therapists! But how often we rely on third parties. A third party that must endorse a budget, a third party that is going to take us or not as employees, a third party that is going to approve this or that matter, a third party that is going to say yes or no on an emotional proposal... that is to say, it’s true that we depend on others, but it does not mean that if we fail the fault was from that third party. Example: In a loving relationship when they say to me ‘no’, it does not mean that I failed affectively. I failed affectively with a particular person. I did not fail with everyone. If they tell me ‘no’ in a particular job, if I have a high self-esteem I'll say: - Oh! Look what they have missed out! But I’ll say it from the point of view of dignity, not from the point of view of the ego, because ego and dignity sound similar, but they are quite different. A high self-esteem makes us worthy people. We can say ‘no’ to a boss when it's six o'clock and we have to leave, because we have an appointment with our partner or we have to go somewhere else. - Do not look. I will leave this for tomorrow. Tomorrow I will finish it. - Because I'm worthy and I will not fear the response of the boss. The ego has a narcissistic, pompous, arrogant attitude, it gets on a pedestal, crosses its arms and says: - No, I’m important. - It is self-centered. Everything revolves around the ego. It's like a planet surrounded by satellites. That is the ego. Dignity is the opposite. A worthy person can say ‘no’, and yet he/she can be the humblest person. And if someone rejects him/her that person will remain with the head held high. The self-esteem will not be undermined, because the person is going to feel important. The ego feels important because it wants that everything revolves around it. A worthy person feels important to help out others. That's the difference! That’s why I say that they're on the opposite sidewalks.  A worthy person is the one who can bow the head and be humble, if he/she had an argument with a person that did not end well, he/she can pick up the phone and say - Yes, probably I was wrong. – Without losing anything. The egotistical person will never do that. The egotistical person will say: - No, no, no. the other person must call me back! Why should I call? That person must come to me. - Because everything must to revolve around him. Is there a relationship between dignity and ego with crisis? Yes, the person who has dignity, having acceptance by himself, does not seek the acceptance from others and he/she will be able to confront the ways of crisis with more strength, because it will depend on his/her own inner strength. With this sentence I don’t mean that the person isolates saying: - I don’t need anyone. - Because precisely the worthy person does not lose anything when asking for help. On the contrary. The egotistical person is the one who does not ask for help. Look at that contradiction. The egotistical person is seeking the approval from others. - Will I be fine with these clothes? No, but Saul said to me I was horrible. I better change myself. And what about these shoes? No, but Sara said they were no longer used, then I'll buy shoes of another color. And this hairstyle? No, but she said I was going to dye it black, I changed my color. The ego seeks the approval from others. However, when the ego receives help it says: - Ah!  no, no. I don’t need any help! - That is, the contradiction of the ego; what a contradiction! It's such a pedantic and egotistical person who is still drowning in the water, which is already covering the nose, and he/she does not ask for help, and yet he/she seeks the approval from others. An egotistical person maybe is drowning with the water closer to the nose and yet he is touching his head to see if his hair is well-groomed. It would be laughable if it were not so tragic, because many people in a swamp of crisis pretend to be fine in front of others, not by themselves. A worthy person does not do that. A worthy person is not interested on the approval from the others. Then, he will reach out a helping hand to the other. - Yes, I need help. So what? - I am neither more nor less than anyone who requires help, because at some point we all need some help! First of all because we are not infallible. God is infallible! We are fallible. We are looking for perfection, surely we will not attain it in this life, but how nice it is to be looking for perfection, for it is the most beautiful thing there is: learning and teaching. And learn to rise. This does not mean that because we realize that we can, immediately the crises will go away. Because things do not just disappear! That only happens in the movies. Real life is much harder, more difficult than a movie. And never ends with a happy ending where everybody lives happily ever after. No, because we might have a happy evening and the next day another crisis comes. However, if we are internally strong, that famous hatching, as I said at the beginning of this session, will be much milder. It will affect us less. Perhaps, it does not affect us at all. Sometimes, and this really has to do with the ego, we cling ourselves to various dependencies because we believe that these dependencies somehow put a coat of oil on the crisis. It's like the person who suddenly has a terrible pain in the foot and hurts his hand saying: - Well, the pain in my hand will make me forget the pain in my foot. -No! That person will have two different pains! One more serious than the other! There is no dependence capable to relieve us from a crisis. On the contrary, it’s going to be worse, because then we will have two things to solve and not one. Two things to solve. There’s no magic formula in Psychointegration. The person has to realize how to act, how to avoid the work of the ego. The ego does not have to control our lives, but we have to control our lives. We don’t need the approval from others. Some people will applaud us, there will be people who ignore us, they are the majority, and there will be people who will hate us. Well, let them be. Because in the end of the day it's not our problem. We have no obligation that all the people like us. At best if we do not have escape from that situation, we will have to deal with such people and we will be polite and kind to them in order to be fine with ourselves. It would be convenient, but let’s understand the difference. One thing is a convenience to be right at work, in particular task, or in a certain enjoyment, and another thing is to take advantage of the other person. That's wrong because the one who takes advantage from others is the ego. If I suddenly have to spend a couple of days with a person with whom I have no good vibration, I'll be as gentle as possible, but I will not do it to take advantage of him, but I will do it for fun; and moreover, unless the other person is a fool, he is going to have a good time too! But I will not take advantage of the person. It’s simply a coherent and intelligent attitude that I have to take, which I’ll do. This type of intelligent attitudes in all aspects of life: Affective, at work, personal, friendship, etc., make that crises do not affect us in any way neither physically nor psychically. I know that one thing is to talk about it and another quite different is to apply it. Even for myself included, being the creator of Psychointegration. Sometimes there are moments in life when we are unstable due to another people they can affect us on the physical part. In the throat or stomach, to name two of the most vulnerable points that at least a man has. The woman has more disorders in the head, the part of the spine, coccyx, ovaries... But overall, both sexes suffer physically during a certain crisis. Psychologically both. It’s not true that women are more sensitive than men. Simply a woman shows more sensitivity, because a man, due to a cultural mandate, he is not allowed to be sensitive. It’s silly, but true! To summarize the concept, we will always have crises during our physical life, problems we have to deal with, situations, choices... Sometimes they force us to choose between this and that. One sometimes doesn’t want to choose. One sometimes has to say: -I have no reason to choose! I want it all! I want all the best for me, and also for the others. - But there are certain circumstances in life, at work, at a personal level, family level where we have to choose. What is the best for us? And what is the best for the people around us? And although sometimes we choose the best for us and for the people around us, it does not mean that the situation is ideal. However, that is the most convenient situation at that time! And we are responsible for taking it! We cannot ignore the responsibility! We have to assume that responsibility! And don’t act like a child saying: - Yes, I was forced to make this decision. - No, nobody forces us to do anything! We decide with the head held high, with dignity the reason we take certain attitude. But it’s not true that a crisis will change our personality, character, or our manners if we do not want to. It is our ego the one that wants that. The one that makes us weak, vulnerable, with decisions in other time we had not taken; that is our ego. And the ego... does not really exist! These ... seconds of silence. The ego does not really exist! The ego is ourselves with our attitudes, where we create a certain fictional characters. Characters that change throughout the day. That have nothing to do with the Freudian personalities of Sybil where a personality is dissociated with the other. No, no, no. If the ego dominates us, the roles we represent dominate us, we remember everything perfectly! The case I will tell you is a story, which is worth telling... A young woman comes to my office because she likes a young man. I gave her the tools to try to attract the attention of this young man. By giving her the tools I mean to strengthen her self-esteem, because there is no magic solution for a person in order to attract another! There is no guarantee that strengthening someone's self-esteem, automatically he/she is going to conquer the love of the other person. Because then everyone would conquer the whole world and this does not happen. However, finally after a couple of months she managed to make herself attractive to that young man. They went to a bar for a drink and her character was slightly hysterical... Hysterical in transpersonal means that the person is bothered easily due to certain things, it has nothing to do with Freud's hysterical, but more or less it can be understood. The young man said some inappropriate sentence and she was drinking her tea and suddenly she threw the tea at his face. She stood up from the chair and walked away. When she reached the door of the bar, she grabbed her head saying: -I cannot believe what I have done! It cannot be! It cannot be! – She came to my office the next day and told me the episode and I told her what happened. I have studied, even before Daniel Goleman, who wrote the book Emotional Intelligence, that we have an automatic reactive mind which had already been discovered by Ron Hubbard in the 50’s of the last century and we have an impulsive reactive mind discovered by me in 1997, which prehistoric men had embedded because they had no time to think. Besides they were not analytical. They were all impulsive. Then, they saw an animal that they could not defeat and they could not say – Will it devour me or not? Or  Can I escape or not? - Automatically they escaped. Or if they saw a small animal automatically they rushed to eat it. They had no time to think. Eventually these ancient hominids were developing abstract thought until reaching the homo sapiens, we have a fairly complex abstract thinking, but in our genes it may have 10,000 to 30,000 years, no more than that. While the gene of the impulsive reactive mind has more years than that. Which one goes first? The impulsive reactive mind. Then, the analytical mind of that young girl was working months to conquer that young boy and then, in a second, her reactive mind threw a cup of tea at his face due to something he said mistakenly. Finally, obviously working again with her insecurity to transform it into security, so that she apologizes to the young man, because in this case she had to admit that she was wrong, it was the first step, and then everything went normal between them. But the reactive mind is really hard. The reactive mind has two fruits. A fruit we are dealing with, which is called the role of ego. The other fruit has to do with engrams, hypnotic commands that are implanted at cellular level, actually at DNA level, (which may even change our body) and they are implanted at conceptual level in our spiritual part. How do we manage to end with our roles of ego so that they are not harmful to us? Being always alert to our behavior. A young man in Spain once told me: - But Professor... being alert 24 hours a day is a hell! – Maybe it is. Until you get used to it. Until it becomes automatic in you. Just like it became automatic breathing since birth or when your heart beats 72 times per minute automatically. And you get used to be gentle, to be noble, to be loyal, to be polite, to smile, to have good vibration, etc.  And the ego has no place in that! The ego has no place. Because we stop thinking about us to start thinking about the others. But beware, as I told you once, stop thinking about us to think about the others does not mean that we forget about ourselves. We must never forget about us! Never! Because all the Love we emanate from us towards others comes from within. If we forget our inner-self there is no other trustworthy. So, thinking about us is not self-centeredness, it’s selfishness, but the word selfishness is so poorly conceptualized, and the Argentine writer Jorge Bucay said that it means to accept and love yourself compared to self-centeredness, which is an exacerbated selfishness where everything revolves around us because the ego has place there. He who seeks to split hairs would say - Yes, but the word selfishness also comes from the ego family. - Well, let’s not take the word ego as something alarmist, because after all the toddlers and very young children need the ego to claim, for if they don’t claim they would starve. Then, just as millions of years ago a hominid needed the impulsive reactive mind to escape from danger, or to take a small animal to eat it, today a defenseless creature needs the ego to call attention and be fed. Once the species homo sapiens sapiens has developed his analytical mind, he no longer requires more than the impulsive mind. Once the homo sapiens sapiens grows, he no longer needs the role of ego, because he is capable to be sustained by himself. The problem is that most people found that claiming is so comfortable and they do not want to leave that role, because they love that role of ego. And that's the negative. When they get used to that role. If we leave aside those roles, it doesn’t mean that suddenly all those crises will disappear and we will not have more hatches, as I said at the beginning, but we will cope with them better until those crises finally disappear or at least they keep on, but they don’t affect us anymore. Thank you.