INTROVERSION AND ALOOFNESS
Psychointegration Session
11/Dic/2006
By Jorge Raul Olguin.
Today we will talk about the lack of communication among people and
we will delve into why sometimes certain shyness can make us introverted people,
preventing us to develop relationships or playing the roles of a partner or a
friend. This is one of the most difficult topics because there is no single
explanation for it, to the point that it could be a hundred pathways with a
hundred different answers. We will try to respond all those answers and try to
put together some key answers.
First and foremost, each embodied being is unique on the face of the
planet, and every spirit is unique in the vibrational plane that it inhabits.
Each being is unique because in this creation God created us in that way. There
will be beings that will have more depth and there will be beings that will be
more "shallow".
One of the answers might be that the fault is not always ours when we
are incapable to communicate with others, because sometimes due to this desire
to deepen within us, we perceive other people as irrelevant. However, we are not
seeing it from prejudice towards the other, we are not cataloging the other
person as empty or shallow, it’s simply that from our spiritual experience, many
people may look futile to our understanding, in the sense that our conversation
would not have any Empathy: It wouldn’t be
compatible.
However, on the other hand, if I had to play the role of defense
attorney of the other party, to whom we cataloged as "irrelevant", we would say:
“Ok, he who really wants to delve inside himself, also has to know how to put
himself into the other person’s shoes, trying to understand the other,
tolerating, seeing his point of view, understanding his personality, trying to
figure out his thoughts” ... I know that in many cases, doing that little or
great effort, we will be able to perceive the depth of that person, who appeared
to us as irrelevant in the first place. That person might not speak in the same
language, figuratively speaking, his way of being may seem more superficial, but
surely if we tried, from the bottom of our hearts, to perceive the inner-self of the other
person, surely we would discover something great in other people and we'll get a
big pleasant surprise.
Let’s not see it from the point of view that the other person seems
to us irrelevant; Let’s look at it from the standpoint that we feel unable to
communicate. Do we feel incapable because we feel small? Do we feel incapable
because we say "we will not be accepted"? Do we nullify us before of being
tested? Because that is a role of ego: auto-disqualifying ourselves in a
competition, stepping aside because we feel small... They all are roles of
ego.
I will demystify something. Many times I have spoken, in several
sessions of Psychointegration, that by not
personalizing, by not playing the lead role, by being de-personalized and
de-identifying ourselves, there will not be any role that can exert any control
over us and we will be able to move forward. This doesn’t mean that we are going
to be immune to everything or that we are going to like everyone or everyone
will like us, because there is another factor: the factor related to energy
vibration of the aura in each one of us. There are people who can be pleasant at
first sight, but that doesn’t mean that knowing better that person we will keep
that perception. As well as in the previous example, we can find a pleasant
surprise. Then, we never have to evaluate the first impression of a person on
the whole. We always have to give a second chance, for our sake, to know a
person better.
But now, Do we know ourselves? Many times we influence ourselves, we
invalidate ourselves, we step aside because we think that we are incapable to
perform a certain task... Surely we are very helpful on our jobs; we are
probably very helpful with ourselves with regard to our abstract thoughts.
However, we feel unable to validate a friendship or to validate a
relationship.
One way to deal with this situation is doing it without any pressure.
Not thinking, “I have to do this.” No, No. It would be like a person who cannot
swim and says, “Well, I will swim on deep waters and I will see if I can swim,”
No, no. That task can be done slowly, little by little. One can gather with a
small group of people and have a short conversation, without the need to relate
personal things, without the need to wear our armor on the table and reveal
ourselves immediately. We can open ourselves slowly. The other person can do the
same thing or not.
One of the easiest ways to empathize with others is to mimic
postures, gestures or imitate dialogues. Here I don’t mean that one doesn’t have
his own personality and has to copy from the other. Here I’m talking about
trying to create a bond of empathy with other person. I don’t mean that one
doesn’t have a personal opinion and say yes to everything in order to look good,
because that would be seeking the approval of others and that is ego, we have
said it previously. No, no, I’m referring that in a conference with people we
know, one can sit at a table and talk about various topics, there’s no need to
have a general knowledge or a broad understanding on a certain topic. And
assuming or acknowledging that when we do not know about a certain issue we can
say: "Oh, I know very little about that topic." We shouldn’t be ashamed about
that, because the feeling of shame, when not knowing about a certain topic, it’s
also an egotistical stance. Nobody knows everything about everything. It’s good
to know a little about everything in order to have a dialogue with all the
people.
We cannot catalog a young girl, who only talks about fashion, as
limited or classify a young man, who talks all the time about disco music or
sports, as irrelevant. Aren’t we becoming censors? What in Freudian psychology
would be called the super-ego, which is also a role of ego that points the
finger at us. A philosopher once said, “Flee from the
too pure, who are like distilled water, which is not drinkable” Let's not be too
pure, let’s be like running water or like tap water that has bacteria but,
nonetheless, it’s drinkable.
It seems that sometimes it's hard to be a common denominator rather
than to be someone special. Because many times we believe that we are special
and perhaps you will tell me: “How redundant! Surely he will say now that being
special is a role of ego!” Sometimes it's good to mingle with the common
denominator. The word ‘ordinary’ that many people may find it offensive means
not trying to stand out, it means trying to empathize with as many people as
possible. Then, through dialogue, one will separate the chaff from the
wheat.
By saying this I want that you all understand me, when I say
separating the wheat from the chaff, for instance, to us some people can be
wheat and the rest would be chaff, to others that chaff may be the best wheat.
This means that someone who doesn’t empathize with us can empathize with others.
And it’s fine that this happens. It doesn’t mean that to whom we categorized as
chaff be chaff. To us he is chaff. However, even among the great Masters there
may be some who are more sympathetic than others, and although all of them, in
some way, vibrate depending on service, it doesn’t mean that all of them have to
agree on every issue.
Let’s learn to accept people. Let’s learn to accept our surroundings.
Let’s not become the judges or jury looking for the mistake on others and then
we find the excuse to not fraternize. Let’s not hide in our alleged shyness
trying not to intimate with the other.
I think that the first step is to look at each other, the second step
is to shake our hands tightly, the third step is to embrace each other with a
sincere hug, not a lustful hug, but a hug in which the spirits find each other.
However, in order to be honest with each other, we have to be honest with
ourselves first. Accepting ourselves first and then accepting the others. And
not being with the prejudice wondering what happens if they do not accept us,
because that would be under pressure. One has to go to a meeting, one has to meet people without any pressure. And
without any preconceived expectation.
A street proverb says, "We have already a ‘no’ for answer, let’s get
the ‘yes’.” If we get the negative answer, we already had it from the beginning.
And there is another saying, "Failure is not dying, is to start over." This
means that we will not have the certainty of success from the first attempt we
try to socialize. Things can be good, fair or bad. And if the last thing
happens, it doesn’t mean that we mark an X since we were rejected or we were
knocked out of the competition. No, no. Every human being is unpredictable; we
ourselves are unpredictable in our everyday attitudes, because even a person who
has the ego very integrated, the ego will sometimes rise its head and it will
make us do what we shouldn’t do.
In this first part of Psychointegration we
can get involved with others and I would like to end with words related to
prejudice, “Do Not prejudge others,” but the most important thing is that we
“Don’t prejudge ourselves.” Let’s not have a preconception of us because any
preconception is going to stop us in our intention to serve other
people.
That would be all for the moment. Thank
you.
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