INTEGRATION OF ROLES

INTEGRATION OF ROLES Psychointegration Session 09/FEB/2006 By Jorge Raul Olguin Most of the people don’t know what psychointegration means, it has become more widespread the result than what it is. Psychointegration is an advanced therapy over Gestalt and transpersonal psychology [1], but it aims directly to eradicate the roles of the ego. Assagioli, who was the author of Psychosynthesis, explained that the mind is not a battlefield. Then, there is not a fight and nobody dies. Eventually I replaced the word elimination with the word integration. The ego is not really integrated because it is part of the reactive mind and a part of us, what we integrate are its roles. When I began with the topic of psychointegration, we compared the mind to a large orchestra, where the musical director with the baton was conducting the violinist, the cellist, the guitarist, the piano player and suddenly the director of the orchestra disappeared and everything became a huge mess, a catastrophe, because the roles of the ego, which were those who were playing, they took the wrong instruments. The pianist grabbed the violin, the cellist played the piano and the orchestra sounded bad, because the roles of ego committed terrible crimes in that mind. To be understood we always talked about the roles of the ego as if they were something separated from us, actually the roles of ego are not foreigners to us, but they are part of ourselves, because the reactive mind is not physical, it's virtual. For example: The analytical mind is abstract, it’s our mind, our thinking, it’s the mind that analyzes and evaluates everything before we act. The reactive mind is impulsive. While the analytical mind is located in the cortex [2], the reactive mind is located in a structure called amygdala [3], I have studied the effects of the amygdala, I'm not a doctor, I’m just a transpersonal psychology professor, I have a master's degree in psychoanalysis and a Ph.D. in parapsychology, I’m not a doctor, but I have made great discoveries on how the reactive mind acts over the human behavior. Based on these studies Daniel Goleman, who later on created the emotional intelligence, writes about the amygdala in his book ‘Emotional Intelligence’ and how it works on humans. I discovered through several books that the human Homo sapiens sapiens has achieved consciousness, because he did not have consciousness before, only 10,000 or 15,000 years ago, other authors in their books say 30,000 years ago. Prior to that the human being was a being without consciousness completely reactive. What does consciousness mean? He learned to paint, he learned to imagine, wrongly, but he learned to visualize gods, it means that he visualized beyond what his eyes could see. Then, he learned to think in abstract thought, which is something that irrational animals don’t do. However I also said in the early stages of psychointegration that the reactive mind has thousands or even millions of years, whereas the analytical mind has only 10,000 years. And those impulses are recorded in our genes. Suddenly I saw a young girl in a bar in Buenos Aires who later on went to my office and she said to me: - I was after Marcelo 6 months until he paid attention to me. And I did it, I got it. Now I'm going out with Marcelo. We went for a drink and suddenly we argued over something stupid, I stood up, slapped his face and I left him. I went to the door, outside of the bar and on the sidewalk I thought... “Oh! How stupid I am! I was 6 months after him and I ruined it in a second.” What happened to me professor? - Well, your reactive mind did beat your analytical mind. Why always first the impulse and then the reasoning? Because the impulse has several million years in your genes and the reasoning nothing more than 10,000 years. The impulse will always dominate! Unless you can overcome the roles of ego integrating those roles. - How do I do that? - Through the therapy that we are approaching. This is psychointegration. The same person listens to the therapist about how the roles of ego are integrated and then it’s the individual’s task to do so. In the same way that the therapist cannot help a smoker to give up smoking if the smoker does not want to, the therapist can also try to integrate those selves of the affected person as long as the person cooperates. How does the person cooperate? That person cooperates in the simplest way. Understanding that these selves are artificial selves, we are not ourselves; we are what we pretend to be or we are what we want that the others see. The issue is that we can’t spend our lives pretending, we can’t! Because we can please someone being like impostors, we can say that we are more than we are. - What are you studying? - Ah! I have this title and now I'm working on this and that. What that person forgets is that he is going to see that person, if everything goes fine, tomorrow, the next Sunday, the next month, etc... And lies have short legs! So, if we pretend to be something that we are not, by the time that we are discovered we’ll be in a bad situation. It’s very difficult to keep a relationship because if the other person realizes that we lied once, What guarantee does the person have that we don’t lie again? Now, who is lying? Our spirits? The ego is lying, because the ego always seeks the approval of others. The spirit knows that us, any of us, are unique. - Yes, but do not compare. Look at this famous doctor and you're barely a carpenter. - Yes, but I’m unique. - Yes, but you're a cook. - Yes, but unique. - But you're a housewife. - But I’m unique. And I am neither more nor less than that famous doctor, because that famous doctor can earn a lot of money and gets rid of his son who tells him: - Dad, I have a problem. - Oh! look, take $us 200 and tell me tomorrow. And maybe his son was going to tell him: - Dad, Yesterday I tasted a white powder and I don’t feel well. And the father instead of listening to him, he gets rid of him by giving him money. Why? Due to a role of ego. A role of ego that says: "Now, do not bother me because I’m important as a father. Do not talk to me childish nonsense" And the young man has also a role of ego: - Oh! This old guy, look what he says to me. Poor fool! I have problems because I am... And me, me and me. So, there is a lack of communication between the two, because the role of ego is looking for the approval of others. The Spirit also wants the approval of others, but in a different way. The spirit gets the approval of others by giving to others, because the best way to be loved is to love first. If I‘m a selfish person and I’m mean to everybody, obviously no one will love me. If I am a person who gives love to others, the others are going to give me love. It's a simple rule of thumb. There is no escape. I always say, and I have been saying it since 1997 that the universe is like a mirror. All that we pour onto that mirror exists reflected in the same manner. If I reflect euphoria and smiles, I will transmit it to the others. If I reflect anxiety, grief and loss, I will spread defeat or the person would say: "Oh, this guy bores me!" And he will go. Then, I have to spread euphoria, but with balance. For instance, I will not go to a funeral, with all due respect to grieving people, saying: "Hello friends!" Obviously not. I will behave properly in than moment, but it does not mean that I lose my euphoria. I'll have euphoria with respect. The ego seeks the approval of others in two ways and both of them are pernicious, both are negative. The first is by playing the role of pedantry standing on a pedestal. - Oh, but I'm worth a lot, you have to be with me, look! Don’t you know who I am? See all my titles. And that causes on the other tremendous negativity, a tremendous rejection. The second is by playing the role of victim, the other role of the negative ego. - Oh, look ... You have to be with me because I feel badly. Don’t you feel sorry about me? Look how I am! And that's a negative attraction because sympathy does not mean love at all. I’m not attracted to a person who inspires me sympathy. I’m going to help that pitiful person with mercy, from the impersonal point of view, as a therapist, a teacher, but I will not approach another type of relationship, because sympathy does not attract. One feels sympathy in order to help another person so that the person can be raised, and once I helped that person I’ll move on with another issue. The only thing that attracts to the other, whether a partner, a friend, a boss, is that we are worthy. Dignity means not wanting to show off more than what we are. We are unique, we are different from everyone else, we are part of God, but we are not equal to any other person, we are not better nor worse than others. So, we have to be as we are. And then we are going to achieve not only the appreciation, but also the approval of others. Finally, eradicating the roles of the ego, we must also learn to say NO. Because the role of the ego, since it’s seeking approval from the others, says yes even though it is wrong. For instance, a dear friend comes to us, but he does not appreciate us; - What’s up Vincent? How are you? - Good. Look! Can I borrow $us 50 from you? I’ll pay you the next Monday. (And perhaps you need to pay a debt and that’s the only money you have left...) - That's all I have, the thing is that I won’t go out this weekend and I promised to take my children to the park... Okay, I’ll give it to you, but please pay me as soon as you can... - Yes, why not? Well, see you soon. [roughly] - I'm a fool. I gave him my money! The fault is his because he convinced me. And I hate him and I hate myself too. A similar anecdote is written in a book of Anthony de Mello. When the person can’t say NO because he has fear or he wants to please the other in order to gain respect from the others, He’s not gaining respect. It's like the nerd in the U.S. who does the homework of the others and the others treat him like a puppet. Saying NO doesn’t make you look bad. And if one looks bad it’s the other’s problem. Saying NO it’s good. But let’s differentiate, one shouldn’t say NO when somebody requests help, or if someone needs some advice, when a person needs to be heard, when a person needs a favor from us and we can do it. We have to say YES, and YES in capital letters, because if we are more useful to the others, the more our sprits will grow up, we will ascend, but we do not have to do that for that reason. I help, then later on... No, no, no! I'll do it because it comes from our hearts, with joy. I am saying that we should say NO to those who want to humiliate us, to those who want to manipulate us, and use us like a puppet. “I don’t want to”, “No, I can’t today because I have something else to do.” One feels good after that and is at ease with his own conscience. He learned to say NO. For instance. You are in a relationship with a girl, you're a young man and your friends say to you: - Man, look! We are at a disco; a couple of girls want to meet you. - Yes? (your girlfriend went to another city and she returns tomorrow) The thing is that if I say NO, I am a milquetoast [4], as if I were always behind her, and so on. Then, I’ll look bad in front of my friends. So I say YES and I go. And you take a drink and go out with your friends and you can spend some time with other girls and it can be that you are being disloyal to your girlfriend because you want to look good in front of your friends. That is horrible! That's disloyalty! Loyalty is over fidelity, because infidelity is not only cheating in a relationship with another person. Disloyalty goes far beyond. You don’t consider to the other person, you don’t care if the other person suffers no matter if the person is far or near, and so on. Loyalty means also being clear. Saying: “Look! my love is over and there is no return.” That is also loyalty, you feel at ease, otherwise you would create false expectations to the other person, and generate bad karma. That is, loyalty means loyalty to oneself. Saying: "I decided to do this because I don’t want to hurt you." And it’s not good for me and not good for you. Then, I have to be loyal to myself first and not like the story: As long as I see I’ll do... meanwhile I do... In other words loyalty leaves no room for the ego. The ego is not fair, the ego is completely disloyal. The ego, like a child, breaks something and says: “It wasn’t me.” The ego has thousands of roles: the role of inquisitor, the ego that plays the role of victim trying to attract, but not realizing that it pushes away instead, the ego that plays a manipulative role, the ego is the one who sows discord among the parties to take advantage, it makes enemies of friends or a partner, the ego betrays. Dignity has to do with other things. Dignity has to do with being oneself and being at ease with our own consciousness. One is able to look at the mirror and think: "I can look at myself because I try to do things right." I will continue making mistakes, because as a therapist I also make mistakes, but I'll make mistakes unconsciously, not on purpose. We can make mistakes because we all are human beings, I can make a wrong decision and I will be responsible for that choice, but I won’t be guilty. The difference between being guilty of something and be responsible for something is that the culprit makes mistakes on purpose and the responsible makes mistakes inadvertently. For example if I'm going to hand over a memorandum and I make a mistake on the date and I was responsible for a great mess in the office by releasing that memo... I was responsible, but not guilty, because I didn’t do it on purpose. Or I can make a mistake on my computer when writing something or editing something, I am responsible. I assume my responsibility, but I am not guilty. I will not allow that they say to me: “You are guilty.” No! I am responsible. Guilty is the person who made the mistake on purpose. And that's what most people do not understand when they create engrams to you by saying: "You are guilty”. No, no. I am responsible. I didn’t do it on purpose. Nobody falls in love on purpose and nobody falls out of love on purpose. Things happen! If you grow up and you have other interests while the person next to you is still as he was. On the contrary, instead of rising up he starts to fall apart. Then, if you were compatible in a certain moment, now you're not and so the relationship is over. You are responsible, but not guilty. And sometimes even if the other person has his/her thetan in a higher plane, but he/she has a role of ego in the physical plane and he/she will always blame to the other person. - You are not the same! You have changed! -No, I'm the same. It’s you who have changed and you don’t realize that you're different from that time up until now. But what happens if I stay in the middle of the road? I'm delayed too and I do not want to stay in the middle of the road. In addition, as I always say, and the Masters of Light and some Thetans that I channel also say: "We cannot stay in mediocrity!" Mediocrity does not mean that the other person is mediocre, because we would be offending that person in that case. Mediocrity means that we always aspire to be more whereas the person at our side doesn’t want to accompany us. Well, I’ll have to climb the hill alone or be with someone who also climbs with us, so that we are equals. That not only happens in relationships, but also in friendly relationships and also happens in our job or in the place we study. If I study something, because at my age I keep studying, I will study something that I like. I will not study for obligation. Returning to the original topic, the issue of ego. How to integrate the selves? Very simple. We have to look at life as if life were a movie and we are detached from it, we get out of the movie as if we were spectators, not getting involved in the nonsense. If somebody offends us, it’s not our problem, if somebody demean us, it’s the problem of ​​the other; we cannot be offended or feel humiliated when others insult us. I gave this example a thousand times; If I pluck a little hair from my head and I put it on the table and from a meter away I say: “Move”- making a theatrical gesture-. The hair is not going to move. My word has no power to move a hair. Then, how can the words of others have power to hurt you? Who is giving that power to the person to hurt you? I have said it on a TV show where there was a therapist who worked on the Africanist line and a reporter who said that he was a mediocre person, a bad professional, and this therapist stood up and attacked the reporter. This happened on a TV show in Argentina. Nobody has the power to irritate another person! Imagine if you were such a sensitive person and you were attending people on a counter hearing complaints. The second person who would be complaining at you and you would be choking yourself. Ha ha ha! Our analytical mind must always be alert. So, how come you would be alert? We have to look at everything else as if we were spectators on a movie. I can cry watching a sad movie, I can be deeply moved watching a movie, but I'm not getting involved. I know that the movie is over and I say: “Well, it was a poignant movie, now let's have a drink, a soda”. Then, I detached myself from the movie because it was a movie. In this world the same thing happens, we see people that are not polite, people who board a bus first by pushing us back, people who get ahead of us in a queue or they put themselves in front of us while we are looking at a garment, etc... My daughter Jessica told me: "How rude and unpolite that woman is! She placed herself in front of us, she didn’t see us". They don’t see you because they are asleep. They have a huge ego so that they cannot see. They say: "Yes, we can see, or else we would stumble". But No! They look, but they do not see. They live on automatic pilot permanently. They live in that way. Then, you cannot be mad at those people. You have to feel sympathy for those people. How many people live in that way? Almost all the people you see, because they are not awake. One has to be alert. If I see a negative act towards me surely the adrenaline will go up, but since I’m alert, I will not allow that my reactive mind arises. I will not let my impulses have control over me. I'll be always alert. Unless there is a direct attack against one. In that case one has to defend oneself because that is common sense, but I see many people who explode for nothing. They are driving their cars and next to them the other driver insults them because the traffic lights changed and they insult at each other instead of saying “excuse me” They say: "Oh, look what you have done! Moron! Why the aggression? Whenever I get on a bus I greet the driver saying: “Hello, how are you? Good morning”. Some people look at me saying, "This guy is crazy", but they say hello to me. Or perhaps you are on an elevator and you see someone next to you and say: “How hot it is outside!” And the person looks at you saying: "And this man? He’s a freak." And if the person is a girl she probably would think: "This guy is trying to hit on me; probably he wants to ask for my number." But you just were polite! Nothing more! But they are not used to it, They live in utter indifference, if you fall, they pass over your head and they even tell you: "Man, move sideways, to the wall!" Because you are bothersome to them. Those are the roles of the ego. The role of ego personifies everything. When you don’t’ have ego any foolishness slips by and you are not indifferent to the most important things, you are not indifferent to an elderly person who wants to cross the street, you are not indifferent to poverty, you are not indifferent to a helpless child... Those things move you. You'll be indifferent to foolishness. You’ll be indifferent to a person who lives telling gossips and things that happen usually in the office...- "Oh, look, here is Martha. Let’s shut up because Martha is a gossip girl and she tells everything." Well, that sort of thing will be unimportant when you have your ego integrated. It doesn’t mean that that person will be dealt with falsehood, but directly in front of that person you don’t say anything. - How are you? - Fine. - How is your day? - Good. So, you can talk to this person half hour about the weather, football games, whatever, but you will not tell her about your things, because you know how that person is, however you will not feel uncomfortable with that person when you don’t have roles of ego; that person will not bother you. You're going to treat her as she is. Because if you are not bothered by a 4-year-old child who sticks out his tongue at you, Why would you be bothered by a woman of 45 years old who talks gossips? She's a child too. Mentally and spiritually, she’s a child. Then, you have to treat those people with courtesy, but without antagonism, because that’s the way she is, because she has a limit. I always say. A jumbo jet reaches 34,000 feet high, a plane reaches 2,000 feet perhaps no more than that and airplanes without engine reach 5,000 feet, but they have their limit. Well, people also have their limits. Even if you tell them a lot that they have a limit. They will not understand. Then, you cannot pluck your hairs out, because you do not have many hairs as well... Ha ha ha! That's the secret! From the moment you have your ego integrated, the roles of ego integrated, you’ll start seeing things from the outside, you will not judge any more, you will understand how the person is and you will respect his/her free will. But at the same time you will be fed with dignity. You will know when to say NO and when to say YES. And you won’t be bothered if you look good or if you look bad. For instance that young man who betrays his girlfriend because he does not want to look bad in front of his friends. If I were that young man I’d say: -'Look I'm not going to the Disco because tomorrow my girlfriend is coming here, I love her and I will not go. - Oh, you're a milquetoast! - And you all are lazy. And I’d say that like joking, not fighting, but I’ll leave at ease with my conscience. And the next day I’ll tell my girlfriend what happened, but not to look good in front of her. I’ll say it because I have nothing to hide. I’d say: -These friends I have wanted me to go to a party with them and I didn’t go. - Was it because of me? – my girlfriend would ask me and I would say: - No. it was because of me. Because I wanted to feel good with myself. Then, it is because of you. I mean, I don’t do things well because of the other person. I do things for my own good. In addition I'll be fine with the other person. Because I believe in loyalty. Being loyal to a friend, loyal to a partner, loyal to the world. But they cannot force me to feel what I don’t feel either. If I don’t feel love for a person, nobody can force me to feel something I don’t feel. Because if I accept in order to not look bad, it happens like the man who came to borrow money from me and I say yes and then I cannot get out. I have to learn to say NO every time. With a smile, but I’ll say NO. That's the real secret. As we have the force of dignity it’s like something in our aura vibrates and we attract things. We can attract a new partner, we can attract a new job and we can attract new people who vibrate in our own syntony, In the measure that we vibrate more, the more we will attract people who vibrate like us. I have verified it in over 100 opportunities. Everything depends on us. That's the secret! [1] School of Gestalt psychology and transpersonal psychology are two schools of psychology. [2] Cortex or cerebral cortex. The newest part of the human brain evolutionarily speaking. It’s the place of the upper mental processes (perception, movement, etc...) And having its highest expression in the prefrontal cortex (just behind the forehead), where the structures responsible for abstract thought processes are, and therefore also the language and the ability to sequence tasks, and act in a balanced way in the context. [3] Amygdala is a group of almond-shaped neurons located in the temporal lobe of the brain, the brain area called the limbic system, adjacent to the hippocampus. It is linked to emotions, especially fear and aggression. It is also associated with the memory of emotional experiences and emotions in general. It is a tiny organ and evolutionarily very old. Depending on the size of it, the attributes of the character of the person such as emotions are concerned with it. If it has an atrophy, the subject will have difficulty recognizing a hazard, On the other hand, if it’s enlarged, the person will be prone to violence and aggression. The Amygdala has been associated with emotions and emotional memory.l [4] Male submissive to female decisions. Adult male who remains very attached to his mother.