CONDITIONINGS

CONDITIONINGS Psychointegration Session 30/JAN/2006 By Jorge Raul Olguin There is something very important to understand when we talk about the roles of ego. We always take them as if they were something outside of us that controls us. Actually the roles of ego are something metaphorical because we are those roles. The roles of ego are in our minds. To think that the ego is something separated from us is something wrong. On the other hand, when I speak about the reactive mind, the ego, the roots of the ego which are the roles, such as arrogance, narcissism, or the guilt complex, low self-esteem, shame, etc.., They are actually part of oneself. We simply take them as something separated from us in order to make it easier to understand to those who hear it, but actually they are part of ourselves. The roles of ego make that a person often has desires to be the leading character, to feel important, to demonstrate to others that the person is self-sufficient to achieve goals, etc... It’s as if the spirit were dragged by a fictitious nose ring, like a bull is dragged in an exhibition, when in fact the spirit does not need to prove anything to anyone because each spirit is different.  The fact that the spirit appears in a manner when it’s different to that appearance, instead of bringing blessings, it brings frustration. Because we run the risk of getting used to playing a role, and then we realize that we are not like that. We simply imagine ourselves in that way in front of others. I said it many times… We have the role of a father, a husband, a doctor, a teacher, an employee, a manager, etc... All of those are roles. Basically we all are spirits. Today I can play the role of a son and then I can play the role of a father, then I can play the role of a brother, etc... We all are roles. The important thing is that these roles do not prevent us to show ourselves as we are. Shame doesn’t stop being a role as well. Sometimes it happens more often in men than in women, although the spirit has no sex, because the spirit is a spirit and at least on this planet Earth, we all embody as a man or woman. And the man, as a part of society, as a matter of cultural mandates, always have to show more power, more self-determinism… The man always has to show that sufficiency in a rather macho society. Now, that patriarchy is actually fed by women. The woman, with all due respect, but if I remain silent I’ll become accomplice of a lie, so I must say it, she hypocritically feds that male chauvinism. Sometimes, there are cultural movements where women speak about sex equality with a banner and yet when one is waiting for the bus, the woman goes first on the bus and sometimes she doesn’t even say thanks, as if a man had the obligation to yield. Sometimes a man works 9 hours in a factory, he is completely exhausted and he wants to go home to take a shower and rest, but he has to give up his seat to a woman who maybe went to shopping all afternoon. Where is that feminism then? In other words, feminism appears when it’s convenient to women, but when it’s inconvenient, the man has to be the gallant knight. What does this have to do with roles of the ego? Sometimes the roles of the ego are not only for an individual, but they are also at a crowd level. The famous male chauvinism in the different cultures happens a lot in the Latin American countries, probably Mexico is leading the list, and they talk about a cultural mandate that promotes male ego in that sense. Thanks God that the culture of the world has advanced in these countries with exception of the Muslim fundamentalists, who I believe they are very difficult to change, in other countries women have different roles to Such point that in different countries of Latin America there are female presidents who not only have the capacity to govern, but they also have charisma. Let’s say that the rest of the countries of the world see them with potential. Let’s say that they do not see them as puppets, Let’s say that they see them as people with achievements and values. There is no ego there. There is directly what I call a great dignity regardless the current politics, which is irrelevant in this speech of psychointegration, It’s only an example. But in general; that’s how they encourage the male chauvinism in this society, where the man has to feign, he must show off what he has, he has to show what he has earned, he must show the job he has: “Look how much money I have. In which position I am” Somehow it also implies a submission to the woman, the woman in the same position will earn less money or she will not be qualified for that position. Who says that? That's what society says. Because each one us knows a lot of women who are capable to do the same or better job than a man can do. At least, on my behalf, I know many women like these, with a tremendous capacity. Not to mention the tremendous capacity that women have to raise children, to keep a home clean, and although we're not in the 50’s or in the 30’s of the last century, today in 2006, there are still men who go home and take a shower, while the woman prepares his food like a medieval maid. Things have changed. There are executive women, secretaries who manage a company, women who are lawyers, judges and women who are presidents. Thanks God that these changes exist! But in the crowd, where the ego ferments more than the barley or malt when making a good beer; that's where I notice how the ego works. The woman, who in a radio station or TV show claims for sex equality, and then she wants to be the first on the queue in the everyday life, she wants that a man opens the door for her, etc... There is one thing that the cultural crowd has achieved, which is in favor. It’s the gallantry of the man that I share it because I practice it every day and it’s okay that all those who listen to what I preach practice it as well without obligation, just do it with joy, because nothing must be done under obligation. What is annoying? It’s annoying that in this case I’m getting out of the psychointegration session because I am giving my personal opinion and I shouldn’t, but well…I give my personal opinion at this time as one of the many. Just take it or not. It’s not mandatory to take my personal opinion as a part of this teaching of psychointegration. It’s bothersome the little appreciation of the other party, when they take for granted that the man must open the door and he has to give up his seat, etc... And when taking it for granted that, they are activating the roles of the male ego implying that the man should be the protector, the knight, and then that same woman, who triggered these roles of the male, is complaining that the men do not give her place in different tasks or in different places in society where she thinks she’s relegated, but that relegation is sometimes caused by the woman herself. And I've noticed that many times. If I have to give my opinion on what I think about the roles of women and men in society, being impersonal, not getting involved, I would say that nowadays the woman carries the heaviest burden, because many women over 30, 35, 40 years old, who have jobs so complex and so extensive as those that men have and they work 8 to 9 hours a day and in some cases 10 hours a day. Most of them have had children maybe at an early age around 20 years old, or some time later, and then they are raising young children while they work. And not all of them have the economic possibility to have a housemaid to perform household chores. Then, women have to work and clean the house, pay attention to their children and so on.  An open-minded man, surely will return from work tired and he is going to check the notebooks of his children to see how they are progressing at school, but it’s very rare the man who goes beyond of that. A man won’t take care of cleaning or ironing the clothes of the children. So, a woman keeps on working up until 12 pm, being that the next day she has to go to work and she’s awake at 6:45 again ready to start her tasks again. Then, in this society woman usually plays the worst part, with the aggravating circumstance that position after position, while men earn $us 1000, women earn $us 750, because they don’t recognize the same value. I hope a change in the future and I hope that the social crowd has nothing to prove, since each one of us has to demonstrate to others what one earns or what one fails to earn. That’s general. With regard to the particular, to the personal issue, each one of us, at a given time, we had a failure, because at a given time someone told us that we could not achieve a certain goal, because at a given time they deemed us unworthy, or because one time we were not taken into account, these roles of ego, our rancorous roles of ego, so-to-speak, because resentment is not part of the spirit, it’s part of the ego. The ego is the one who gets angry, the ego is the one that takes offence, the ego is the one that requires forgiveness, the ego is the one that criticizes, the ego is the one that is envious of the others, the ego is the one that needs to show off because the ego needs the approval OF THE OTHERS. And that's the big mistake. Then, a person who has been raised, perhaps as a teenager he was left behind or he was not taken into account for a certain thing, then he grows up with that unfinished business. It’s a pending issue because he says: First, I'm going to succeed, second, It’s not enough to succeed if I don’t rub my success in the faces of the others, especially in the faces of those who despised me, those who ignored me and underestimated me, those who laughed at me saying: "No, you are not going to achieve that goal. It’s very hard!." Now, once that we have rubbed our success in their faces to show our victory, our prize, Are we better? Maybe that person at a given time criticized us and now he is mediocre and as I say always they have a limit. They have a limit and beyond that point they are not going to pass because it’s not their time. And if we appear strong and successful in front of those people, bridging the gap, it would be like a child in kindergarten saying: "Oh, but look how well I'm reading and you're just learning!" It would be ridiculous because that child is just growing up. We must bear in mind that many people, who once have looked at us over their shoulders with sufficiency, are people who directly are not going to pass their limit in their life, and if they looked at us in that way, it’s precisely because they had roles of ego and they needed to look at us with sufficiency because they basically felt insignificant. Once we succeeded and got ahead, to look in the same way at these people, I think it's to stoop so low, to put ourselves in the place of those people. It’s to lower our spiritual part. How should we act? As if that person didn’t exist. I don’t mean it in terms of putting that person aside; I'm saying it in terms of ignoring revenge, ignoring the feeling of resentment, the feeling of showing off, because that won’t feed our spirits at all. Psychointegration teaches that the best way to respect our success is to understand that we do not succeed. How? What does that mean? That means the following thing: One of the dearest aphorisms to me, the second I wrote is: "The goal is the quest". That means that if I have a goal, I’m fighting months and putting effort to achieve that goal, or perhaps I have a stroke of luck combined with my capability to take chances and I have achieved that goal soon. What do I do once I got that goal? If we feel content with that goal, we learned nothing. I didn’t learn anything! Because I'm still the same indifferent person that I was before I got that goal. So what do I do? I look for another goal. But, how? Isn’t that ambition? The problem is that our current society instilled us the idea that ambition is something negative. The negative thing is the excessive ambition, as well as impossible projects are negative. - "I would like to be this year in a cruise of $us 10,000. Yes, but this year I did well and I could save that money." Sure, but if I’m not a wealthy person, I could save that money with great effort; I will not spend the money on a cruise. If I’m a coherent person, I know that I will invest that money in a larger project for me because this is what I do for a living, because the other thing would be to throw away the little money I have earned. Then, the word ‘ambition’ and the word ‘money’ are not negative things. When the Master Jesus said: "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” He was not talking about a rich man; he was talking about a miser. Because if we have money, if we invest that money well, we can do many things for others. Although I always say that to serve is not to do impossible things, like donating scanners to public hospitals, because in this case no one would ever serve. One in 10,000 people may have the possibility of donating a scanner. To Serve is the simplest thing. To help a blind man to cross the street, to give up your seat to a pregnant girl, to help an elderly lady, and so on. It's kindness. Kindness has to do with the good Samaritan. In the parable of the Master Jesus, the only one who helped the fallen man is the Samaritan, for that reason the parable of the Good Samaritan exists, the only one who served, and the Samaritans were frowned upon. The Gentiles were also frowned upon, and yet they were the most chivalrous. For that reason we say that someone is courteous when he/she leaves us pass first, or when he/she reaches out the hand to us if we get on a boat, or if that person helps us if we are older to board on a public transport, etc. Kindness is part of Service. It’s not necessary to have titles or expect anything; It’s just something that comes from the spiritual heart, which is our inner consciousness. Not the physical heart, which is a muscle that pumps blood. To serve means to do small things that can become big things and the only way to Serve is to be detached from all egos. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone, because if you need to prove, it means that you need the approval of the others. Then we would be slaves of the others. We would be slaves of their ‘Yes’. So, it's like to be always tied up to the others, the other person may be a stranger to whom we have to prove something and we would always be tied up to something. Then, the best way to be helpful to others is that the others do not have to matter of who we are or what we achieved. Our achievements are ours. For that reason the Master Jesus said: "Do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing." This translated means that if I did a charitable deed or if I helped someone, I don’t have to go with a speaker saying: "Oh, I've helped this person!" Because then, what I'm doing is to show off or to be noticed; and the only one who gets food is not the beggar's pocket, but my ego. And that speaker or megaphone is feeding my ego. That is what happened once to Siddhartha before he finds enlightenment. He helped to show off. That was written by Hermann Hesse in a fictional version of Siddhartha, the story is not real, but somehow depicts his metamorphosis. Our metamorphosis has to be that we have to be completely detached from any role and be aware only of our growth, but our growth doesn’t have to end with us. Once we're on our feet, strong and well, only then can we reach out the others, whether closer people of strangers. Service has nothing to do with great works, because very few people would serve in that case. We're not in the time of the Crusades. Service has to do with doing each day small things that make us sleep happy with ourselves; we can look at the mirror saying: "Today I did a small thing." If the Mother Teresa was fortunate to do greater things, well, we do what we can. Small things for everything. What matters is the intention, not the result. If we achieved a result it would be better, but what matters is the intention, because if we only look for results the 90% of the times we're going to be frustrated. And that does not work. Of course that we can rise from the ashes like a phoenix! But it’s not worth it if we are burned at all times. Ha ha ha! That's the secret! Living things every day, one step at a time. The Chinese philosopher said: "A journey of thousand a miles begins with single step". If you gave 15 or 20 steps it’s better for us. That's the secret!