DOUBTS

DOUBTS Psychointegration Session 28/FEB/2006 By Jorge Raul Olguin Psychointegration, as you all know, is a therapy that seeks to eradicate the roles of the ego that tether us so much to our primal instincts and impulses. The roles of ego have very subtle roots that camouflage themselves and they even feed from the analytical mind. How the roles of the ego are fed from the analytical mind if they are a fruit of the reactive mind? Sometimes they are fueled by the analytical mind. To such point that there are some people who plot machinations, certain tricks and to accomplish those things they need to think about certain things, and although these people are manipulated by the roles of ego, these roles of ego push the person to use his/her analytical mind. Anyways, today's topic would be specifically related to the doubts. The doubts that a certain person may have to undertake something, to deal with his/her daily life, to exchange ideas with the people around, to have concepts or to deal with other people. Doubts in short. Are doubts roles of ego? Well, let's start from the beginning. It is often said that the ego has many roots, and at the same time the ego has many ramifications at the top. These branches may be embarrassment, jealousy, arrogance, etc… Where do I label the doubts? Doubts are labeled as a part of indecision. Is Indecision part of a role of ego? Well, if we think that the ego is on the opposite lane of perseverance and steadiness, then, we could say that doubts are related in some way to a role of ego. Why? Because the role of ego makes us ponder things, it makes us wonder about our own issues. Somehow when we question something it’s because we do not feel confident, and if we do not feel confident it’s because we have injected a dose of shyness, a dose of "Can I achieve this? Or Will I do it or not? ". Yes! I firmly say that doubts are part of the ego. What does that mean? Does that mean that person who has no ego doesn’t have doubts? It would be foolish to say no, because we all have doubts. The thing is that there are reasonable doubts and unreasonable doubts. Let's say that unreasonable doubts are superlative doubts, let’s say that the doubts advance in front of us not allowing us to move forward. What is a reasonable doubt in a person who has no ego? Suddenly If I have two jobs. Two important jobs, in one job I can earn a better salary, but I have to travel more. In the other job I have a reduced salary, but I don’t have to travel. So, I ponder these doubts: "Yes, but I can save money with the bus. Sure, but in the other company I have benefits." I humbly don’t believe that those doubts are related to the ego, because I am evaluating what is best for my future. And can even make mistakes. I can be wrong! Because nobody said that he who has no ego is never wrong, because we all are fallible human beings and as spirits we are also fallible. The only one infallible is God. At least that's what we know. What unreasonable doubts are related to the ego? The doubts we have daily and sometimes they are indirectly related to low self-esteem. - Excuse me! Low self-esteem? Oh, no! I don’t think I have low self-esteem – you can tell me. Maybe not consciously, but surely unconsciously. The low self-esteem makes us ponder things. In addition, we have doubts that are not related to our jobs. For example, we love a person and we came across with another person who is very pleasant to us. We are talking about two recent relationships. Now when we are talking about a strong relationship and we are interested in someone else, then we have to think about things that have nothing to do with the subject of today. The issue of whether the love we feel is real or simply an accustoming, in the second case it is not to be approached today. However, one can have affinity with two people at once! Is that a role of ego? I don’t know! How many times has that happened to us...? I don’t say that has happened, I said that it might have happened that suddenly we go to a meeting and we are with two people, and we are attracted to them, and suddenly we begin a romantic relationship with one and have a friendly relationship with the other, and we do not know why we are hesitant to realize which relationship is better to us. - This person seems more confident. Yes, but the other seems sweet, but I see her more self-conscious. And I see that this person is more confident, but she looks "aloof", it’s like I don’t like her, but at least I have somebody to rely upon in case I need someone. This person is very sweet person, but maybe she’s not capable to help me out."  Is that doubt ego? No, because that can happen to a person completely clear. With the difference that a person who is free of ego and free of engrams will have his analytical mind at full 100% and he can discern what is good for him and what is bad. Why I say this? And now I’ll leave aside for a moment the subject of doubts and I’ll approach the topic of love. Although we have said in countless opportunities that impersonal Love is synonymous of Service, and that one only detects it when one sees a person being useful to the other, How we detect personal love? Personal love is detected only when the other person respects us. The thing is that it has been said many times what respect is. Respect is not avoiding telling someone an annoying word, because sometimes one can even say harsh words to children, young people, but from the friendly point of view. No, no, no. I mean when they don’t take us into account, when they leave us aside, when they make decisions without consulting us, when we are ignored... That’s the best proof of disrespect. And since the lack of respect is one of the strongest legs of the table, one can prove that this love is weak, it falters and hesitates. Now, why I approached the topic of love? Because we were talking about a choice, when we consider which partner we want in our lives, that’s why I approached the topic of personal love. Personal love, unlike Impersonal Love, which is a pure feeling that gives and don’t ask, personal love, on the other hand, does ask. And it’s not bad! Personal love needs. Personal love is jealous. I speak about personal love usually in a romantic relationship, right? Personal love does not share. Personal love is hoarding. Personal love has healthy jealousy. When jealousy is unhealthy? When jealousy is healthy? When the jealous person thinks she sees ghosts everywhere. Ghosts everywhere means:- "Oh, I smell a perfume that is not mine! What is that stain you have on your shirt? Look at the time you came! I see your hair disheveled, Where have you been? Blah, blah, blah, etc..."This is unhealthy jealousy because the person tries to find an imaginary relationship, a situation imagined by a wild imagination, right? Although there have been cases where jealousy was not unfounded, but that's another topic. Then, we said that Impersonal Love is a pure feeling. And What personal love is? Personal love is emotion. Feeling No? Yes, If it were pure emotion it would not be love, it would be attraction, it would be an instinct, it would be a relationship where two people seek only material remuneration, but the spiritual part does not participate. Tenderness would not participate. Yes? Then personal love has its subtler part in the feeling, and the densest part is the emotion. The two parts combined make a perfect cocktail. They make a perfect combination. However, when one is going to choose a relationship... to choose... or to be chosen, right? Always a person bases the relationship on the densest part, which is the emotion, because he/she has not yet developed the feeling. How will that person have developed the feeling if barely he/she is developing a relationship with the other person? And when the relationship is based on emotion, sometimes the emotion puts a blindfold over our eyes and blinds us. It’s not that emotion in all cases is a bad counselor. There are healthy emotions! But generally, where is the emotion fueled from? From the reactive mind, where the ego comes from. For that reason one usually chooses using the ego. One does not choose using the analytical mind. It is very rare the person who chooses a partner in a relationship using the analytical mind. For that reason relationships always stumble and fall apart. Sorry, almost always. Thank God there are cases where one chooses using the analytical mind. On the other hand, It’s not like two plus two equals four. One can choose using the analytical mind, but the person can change during the next weeks, months, days, hours, years, whatever... One person evolves and the other retrogresses or he/she remains the same. People do not understand each other. And it’s not necessary to spend too much time for this to happen. Sometimes it takes a couple of months and the people look at each other as if they were completely strangers. - What am I doing with this person? This person is not the one I chose! Yes, actually you chose that person. The thing is that two things could happen. The person you chose decreased or evolved and now is beyond your reach or vice versa the person stayed the same and it’s you the one who has changed for better or worse. And then, we no longer vibrate in harmony with the other person. Well... Then, the doubts will always be in both cases, in people who have ego and in those who have no ego. But people who have ego, people who have a highly developed ego will always have fluctuations or ups and downs in their self-esteem. The self-esteem is independent of how we look in front of others! Because a person may be slim, elegant, attractive and smart, he/she can discern, and yet he/she can have doubts about life, about how to approach things. How can we look in the mirror and see that we are important inside and out? Let’s give validity to both things, and yet How do we have doubts about ourselves? Obviously it can be not only due to the roles of ego, but also due to engrams from past lives, due to things that we have gone through, things that we have experienced and don’t come to the surface because they are rooted within us and we do not realize that.  The topic is not easy. I can only say one thing as a corollary to complete this short and humble comment on doubts. Doubts are one of the ramifications of the ego. In many cases, not all of them, but in many cases it has to do with the low self-esteem, because low self-esteem leads to insecurity and self-consciousness generates doubts. Let’s say that it’s a sort of domino effect. The ego provokes low self-esteem, low self-esteem leads to uncertainty, and uncertainty causes doubts. I have in my pocket a magic key to show you from now on, just like Einstein said the magic formula correlating the mass and the energy, Is there a key to reverse the doubts? In this case I cannot say that the energy equals mass times the speed of light squared. No, I cannot say that. What will I say? Well, a great Chinese philosopher said: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Just as we can peel a banana, and we can pluck a flower, in the same way we are going to defoliate the doubts one by one. Let’s analyze each doubt! Although we are full of doubts, I don’t think that someone says: “I have no doubts in my life.” It sounds very arrogant. I believe that even the Master Jesus, my Master, had doubts on how to deal with some tasks and how brave he was, but that is another matter.  This is the formula then! This would be one of the keys! We have 100 doubts, take one, deepen on that doubt, see whether or not there is a specific reason why we have that doubt, analyze it by ourselves how we can approach it, and somehow when we reached two conclusions about the doubt, it disappears. Why? Oh, Of course, because it is very simple. If I have a doubt and I investigate about it, I evaluate it on how to deal with it by moving forward, then- that doubt disappears. But what if the opposite thing happens? If the doubt is insurmountable and I cannot reverse it because there is a barrier that doesn’t not let me go further. Well, perfect! In that case it’s no longer a doubt. It would not be a doubt, but an unresolved issue. It would not be a doubt. I repeat it so that you all understand the second part. If I have a doubt and it’s an unsolvable doubt, it’s no longer a doubt it would be an unresolved issue and I’ll leave it there until see how to work it out. A test that did not study and I could not resolve, I give this example and we leave it there. Then, I look for a second, a third, and a fourth doubt and thus I evaluated all the doubts. I know that’s it’s easier said than done, but I reiterate the Chinese precept, "A journey of thousand miles begins with a single step." Let's do it!