LOVE, SERVICE, UNDERSTANDING  

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LOVE, SERVICE AND UNDERSTANDING

Psychointegration Session
02/MAR/2006
By Jorge Raul Olguin

Many years ago, when I was 18 years old, I went to a spiritualistic school run by a friend from high school. In that time I was 18 years old, I turned 19 and I saw things that fascinated me at that time, how they had contact with spiritual beings at the foot of the cross, they talked to people and they convinced them that their way was a path of light, and after the speech these spirits had apparently known the path of light and they were going on that direction. In holiday season they made contact, according to them, with the Master Jesus who gave messages to them. The strangest thing that I didn’t like at that time, and I was almost a 19-year-old boy, was their customs. They had egotistical habits, which were totally opposite to Service. I insist that I was 19 years old. More than 30 years had passed, I was already a grown-up man with more than 50 years old, and with a friend of mine I went to the same spiritualistic school, located at Rivadavia Avenue, which is the longest avenue of Argentina. I had contact with the headmistress in charge and I told her something that I had seen, which was negative, according to the belief of Service that I had.

There were 20 people, as they call themselves, partisans or brethren; most of the people had over 70 years old who were going to receive a ‘flow’. To flow means, in this case, to transmit healing energy to the body of another person. Then, there were ten chairs. Ten people were seated waiting to receive the flow, and ten other people behind the chairs were moving their hands passing this alleged energy. What seemed to me a tremendous blunder, which seemed to me very serious, was when they said: "Well, go ahead," This is an example in which I don’t want to be offensive, but it looked to me as if it were a horse race, where everybody wanted to be the first to be seated eagerly on the ten chairs. Those who lost were behind the chairs. I made a comment to the sister who was the headmistress in charge, a lady of 50 years old, maybe more and she told me:
- What do you think is wrong here?
- All the action seems to me wrong, because I understand that they fought to be served and not to serve -I said-
- Oh! Be careful with what you tell me brother! Because there are people who come here for more than 30 years!
I said: - It’s even worse! This means that in 30 years they have learned nothing!

If I am a being who tries to be in the Light I will compete, I’ll fight, but I will compete to be useful to the other. Then, I'll try to be behind the chair transmitting the flow of energy to the other person, and after that it will be my turn to receive the flow, why not? That I will not refuse, I would be foolish if I did. But I saw that most of them were fighting to be helped first with this flow, without realizing that 5 or 10 minutes later it was going to be their turn to give because they would exchange roles. I compared them with feral animals fighting over a meal.

What does this episode have to do with psychointegration? It has to do because psychointegration seeks to eradicate the roles of ego that cause so much harm to us and anchor us pushing us down. Then, it seemed to me a very dismal episode. I humbly believe that when I left that place, because I was visiting that place with a friend whose grandmother was a follower of that school, I believe that the headmistress forgot the episode and she continued with her routine. It seemed to me very pitiful that thousands of people learn something by heart in several spiritualistic schools trying to be released from their burdens, without paying attention to the others, but they do not grasp, they don’t take the truth with them. I believe that in this short life we ​​have, in this incarnation, at least we have to keep learning so that our Higher-self or Thetan also be enriched by our experiences, and not only do we load our thetans with engrams and roles of ego.

I want to approach a case which is perfect for psychointegration and it has to do with the subject of personal love. I've talked about it many times, but again it’s worth it. As I have said it in many psychointegration sessions, I will approach it briefly. Impersonal Love is a Love devoted to Service only, and you know if you act with Love impersonally serving the other, I give the example of the Mother Teresa. We know that personal love has other values. Smaller? Bigger? Never mind. I know that it's an earthly love, I know that impersonal Love is fueled from the feeling, on the other hand, personal love, the romantic love of a couple is fueled by feelings and emotions. And this means that it’s fueled by the purest spirit and it’s fueled also by the root of the ego, which is the reactive mind, which is the creator of impulses. For that reason, sometimes the couples compete, fight, they hurt each other, they demean each other, precisely because of that emotional state, which is the lowest personal love, they even have possessive jealousy, etc...

Let’s leave aside the impersonal love and we will speak about personal love. Personal love, and this is an insight of mine, has several legs, like a table. If a table were personal love, the main leg would be respect. A person who does not love, does not respect. Let’s begin with that foundation and that's a rule. Later on we will speak about respect. The second leg of the table would be the dialogue, because in a relationship there must be dialogue. The third leg is obviously desire, because in a relationship there must be desire. That’s not bad at all! Desire has been attacked a lot by traditional religions and they have instilled in us so many guilt complexes. And the fourth leg, which very few people have considered, has also to do with respect, it’s admiration. I have to admire my partner. I have to admire his/her attributes.

Let’s talk about the first leg, we will talk about respect. What does lack of respect means? That some people tell you that you are a moron or you're a fool? Not necessarily, there is another kind of disrespect. Lack of respect also means when they do not take you into account, when they ignore you making decisions without consulting you, when they avoid telling you the truth lying openly and shamelessly. Lack of respect is when they downgrade you, not only to your person, but also to everything you do. 

For example I (subject A) have a relationship and my partner despises everything I do, either an activity or a hobby, which can be reading, painting, solving puzzles, a thousand hobbies... if I love my partner, I respect my partner, I admire my partner, I talk to my partner, my partner and I have a perfect intimate relationship, it means that I'm going to love what my partner does, because I will learn to love all that my partners does. And if I am a person who never watched a painting more than in Discovery Channel or History Channel, if my partner is a painter, I will learn to love not only her paintings, but also all the artists she has studied about, for example Rembrandt , Degas, Dali, Picasso, etc… I will learn that the Guernica (painting) is not a stain, but it indicates war and death; I will learn that Rembrandt indicates depth; I will learn that Dali is based on mirrors and ghostly figures. And I will transcend my partner, because either I am with that person or not. What I l love, I’ll keep on loving, because I am going to take possession of all that I love. And I’m going to love those paintings whether I love my partner or not, because prior to respect my partner, I have to respect myself as an individual, as a person.

Then, what does it mean respect for oneself in a relationship? Although we all learned the golden rule during childhood: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" However, there is another more important rule which says: "Do not let others do to you what you wouldn’t do to them." Because not being permissive is dignity. Dignity is not a feeling, not an emotion, is a spiritual state, which is strong as the greatest love. Because if that love so great that I have dishonors me, or downgrades me, for dignity, surely I will get away from that love, because that love is denigrating me, then that love is not worth it. And how well is that sentence. It’s not worth it. Dignity means that you don’t allow that other people run over you; it means that you learned to say NO. 

The thing is that many times, due to several roles of ego, the roles of ego might already come from past lives, they have instilled these engrams in our cells, and perhaps also our spiritual part has been impregnated by engrams to the conceptual part and we drag fears. And sometimes we do not have the courage to say NO just in time. And then, sometimes we prefer to put the head in the jaw trap, and be subdued by the other person so that the other person cuts off our heads. However, we don’t realize that our egotistical blindness is giving to that person, giving and granting, and we are losing that person, because that person is moving away. Perhaps this person is not for us! So, if we say NO in time, we cut off something that with time and by gravitation itself would be cut off sooner of later. If we get the same result, what good brings to say No? It helps us so that we don’t lose our dignity. We do not allow that others harm us. We do not allow that others downgrade us. On the other hand, if a person fails to respect us, because he/she downgrades what we do, he/she doesn’t comply with admiration, because he/she thinks that what we do makes no sense, or that it’s not worth it, we don’t have dialogue, because if we had dialogue we would know what the other person thinks. And a person who denigrates us doesn’t respect us either, he/she doesn’t meet the fourth part, which is desire, because What desire we would have for a person who denigrates us?

Before finishing this psychointegration session I want to comment about what a perfect intimacy means. Intimacy in a perfect couple doesn’t mean that the two people are superlative or their kisses are the best type like in a movie screen. A perfect relationship does not mean X number of orgasms. A perfect relationship means being honest in the relationship, enjoy the caresses that they give to each other, not thinking that the relationship is limited only to a sexual intercourse, because the relationship in a couple means to look in the eye of the other while drinking a beverage, it means holding each other’s hands and feeling that ‘electricity’... That's a perfect relationship. However; that relationship cannot be perfect with someone who is always downgrading us because if one of the legs of the table is missing, the table collapses. If someone downgrades us in ​​one of the things we do- I humbly believe with my little concept- that none of the four legs of the table stands. Then, there is no table. There is no love. And this is not an opinion, this is a rule. It’s a rule that I have verified.

What does it mean? Is it better off to be alone until we find the ideal partner? I believe that if we are spiritual beings, we have no reason to be at odds with the pleasures of life, as long as we respect the balance. This means that I can have an intimate relationship with a person being alone and by mutual agreement not to be together anymore. Equilibrium means not to be promiscuous, because being promiscuous -although I take care of myself physically- but my soul will not be taken care of. Then, I'll take care of myself physically. I'm going to be promiscuous and I will not have any physical illness, but I will have a spiritual disease that will make me feel empty and lonely daily. 

Breaking the balance is also going to the other extreme saying: "Oh, no! Until the person I look for doesn’t’ knock on my door I’ll abstain." That is absolutely ridiculous, and that's what traditional religions have taught us for over 2,000 years. Balance means to enjoy life even in the short moments. For that reason I always say that happiness, the true happiness is not the great discovery, the great party, the great achievement, but the short moments, small achievements, little caresses... they are like grains of sand that form the whole beach. Then, everything goes through one.

It’s not that this psychointegraciĆ³n session will delete all the roles of ego, because obviously that's not going to happen, it’s required a deep inner work, but it will give us the tool to have our own dignity. Dignity to say NO does not mean that we offend each person that downgrades us, because then we would be on the other extreme. We would be authoritarian. We must understand that each person has his/her limit, and I said that on one occasion.

Let’s compare people with several aircrafts. A Jumbo Jet reaches 34,000 feet, a medium airplane reaches 10,000 feet and a light aircraft reaches 3,000 feet, because they have their limits and they are not going to pass that limit. Some people have also their limits. Then, I always say to my patients: I cannot be angry if a dog barks at me, they would have to check my mental decoder if I’m mad because a dog barked at me. Also, I can’t be angry if a 5-year-old boy sticks out his tongue at me, because he's a child! I can’t be at the same level of a child, who is just in the kindergarten! And why am I going to feel badly if a middle-aged person tells me that I’m a loser? That’s the point of view of someone else! It is not my viewpoint.

Everything depends on how I feel! If I feel like a failure the words of other people will hurt me. If I don’t feel like a failure, if I think that I’m unique and I think that every human being is unique and different, the words will slip by, because I will have my self-esteem strong, and everything the other person says to me will not harm me. Otherwise it's like I need the approval of the other person! It's like the dog that needs a pat on the head. I do not need any pat to live. I need the love of a beloved person, because that’s what I embodied for. To love and to be loved. To serve, and good in some way, if someone wants to serve with me, I will not deny it, so be it, because I will not fall into the folly to say- as many therapists say-: "Oh, no! I don’t mind being seated on a box of apples or on a comfortable chair.” I don’t care! I want the comfortable chair. This does not mean that I’m going to feel embarrassed of being seated on an apple box. But I would be a liar if I said that I don’t mind. That is a false humility and it’s a cousin of hypocrisy as well as false modesty.

The person who has false modesty says: "Oh, do not worry, I know nothing" or "it’s the same to me." I don’t believe in that person. I think that it's more authentic a person who says: “Yes, I prefer this.” Good, because that person is more reliable. That's the secret. Everything has to do with dignity, it's all about self-respect. If I do not love myself and I feel like a poor man, I will have empathy, maybe a bad rapport with that person and I will spread what I feel about me, then the other person is going to downgrade me. Because if in various relationships happens the same episode of a person who downgrades me, something in me is saying to the other person to do it, to cast me down because I deserve it. 

If I have dignity the only thing I deserve is to project things, to have joy in projecting things. And if I love my job, I will not allow that other person doesn’t love it. Does this mean I'm going to subdue a person so that he/she loves what I do? No, no, no, not really, because that would also break the balance. Directly, if that person does not love my job he/she can still be my friend, but I will not allow that my friend criticizes my job, because then he/she stops being my friend, because he/she does not respect me. I will not let my partner criticizes my work, because then, she doesn’t love me, because she doesn’t respect me. I’ll keep on dealing with people who do not respect my work, but not at the level of a friend or a partner. I'll take these people as if they had that limit, because the airplane will not fly at the same altitude as a Jumbo Jet because that’s its limit.

Then, if a dog has a limit, if a 5-year-old boy has a limit, the other people have also a limit, but this doesn’t mean that I am being scornful. These people have a limit as for their understanding. Perhaps these people are good at other things, but in this kind of understanding they have a limit. Now, if that person has the power to hurt me; I am the one who is giving that power to that person.

Nobody has the power to hurt me if I don’t grant that power! And again I repeat a very nice phrase that I said many times: If I pluck out a little hair of my head and I put it at 40 inches away from me and I say to it - making a theatrical act- "move". That hair will not move. Then, if my word has no power to move a little hair, how the word of others can have the power to hurt me? I am the one who is granting that power to the other person. Then, everything depends that I give the power to myself, but not to subdue people, but to be able to love, to help, to serve, to be useful to others, to hug, to caress, etc. Because that would be spread. I love hugging. I love being hugged. In a good way. And that's it.

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