MANIPULATION

MANIPULATION Psychointegration Session 12/JUN/2006 By Jorge Raul Olguin. Let's talk about the subject related to manipulation. Usually the person who manipulates is seeking to subdue the other person to his own whims, perhaps to gain a material advantage, an affective advantage, and there are many ways to manipulate, obviously. A person can manipulate indirectly by playing the role of victim, when the person has not enough power. A person can manipulate by playing the intriguing role, when the forces are matched. One can manipulate from a superior standpoint by playing the inquisitive role, just like the boss does with an employee. Manipulations are always the product of ego, through manipulation a person seeks to dominate other people at will, cutting off their free will. One of the ways we have to defend ourselves from these manipulations is our dignity. People sometimes confuse dignity with pride, and sometimes confuse pride with false pride. So, let's review these concepts so that we understand them better. Pride, unlike what many people would think, is not negative. It’s an elevated self-esteem due to things that we have acquired or our beloved ones have accomplished. For example, we have a child who gets good grades in school and he is the valedictorian, therefore, we have a healthy pride about him. False pride is a pedantic pride, a childish pride; it’s an egotistical pride when one says: - Laura argued with me, I will not humiliate myself by calling her because it’s her fault. I will not be subjected to her whims. Let’s say that there is a sort of competition when both parties want to see who gives in first. It’s a false pride, not a real pride. The true pride is related to Dignity. Anyway, I would say that Dignity is a step higher than pride. Dignity means that we don’t allow that others do to us what we wouldn’t do to them. Dignity means not being subjected to the arbitrary whim of anybody, since we follow our own judgment. Now, we must be careful because our judgment will not always be accurate, our judgment cannot be accurate because we are seeing through our eyes, and we might be acting not impersonally, we can be personalizing. Then, it's not a lack of dignity if we accept the guidance of the other. It’s a lack of dignity when we are subjected to the whims of others. However, if we suddenly have a question with regard to certain topic or a particular issue, or a specific project, it’s not bad if we seek help from third parties, who may know the same, more or less than what we know. In certain circumstances a timely guidance can be useful for us to change the route and take the right direction. Dignity means that we are always with the head held high, with clear conscience, even if at some point we have been manipulated, although at some point we have been defeated, or if at certain moments we have been subdued, we will never subdue our Dignity, because our Dignity has to do with all beings of honor. In the spiritual world the word ‘honor’ has no specific meaning, because a being of Light is a being that lives to serve, a being who lives to help and guide others. Then, speaking about honor or nobility is something that comes without saying to those who live to serve every day. We were talking the last time about faithfulness, if there was something higher than faithfulness, whether in a loving relationship or a friendly relationship. There is something higher than faithfulness and that is Loyalty because loyalty embraces much more than faithfulness. Faithfulness is the commitment in a certain way with someone. Faithfulness to a spouse so that they don’t cheat each other, faithfulness to a friend, faithfulness in a job in order to not steal money, faithfulness as a teacher in order to teach well... Loyalty, I take it as a lifestyle that includes faithfulness. Let’s say that faithfulness is comprised in Loyalty. What's beyond Loyalty? Nobility. Because Nobility, aside from being also a lifestyle, describes the person. A noble-hearted person, a noble soul, logically he/she will be loyal. Logically he/she will be true to his/her own principles, because that person will have principles. What does principle mean? Principle means, and we will not use the dictionary, we will interpret it in a spiritual way, because it encompasses much more than what the dictionary says, we will take the word principle as the faculty that one has to aim to the right path, to agree with oneself what would be a clear conscience and keep on that path. That is principle. Principle would be the gift that each one has to stand firm and not to shake the wrist in front of any difficulty. A person, who remains with sound principles, is a noble person, who is loyal and faithful. That is the principle. The opposite of all of that is a manipulative person, as I said at the beginning of this Psychointegration session. A manipulative person, first and foremost manipulates because he/she has no charisma to conquer. This person manipulates because he/she doesn’t have the enough wisdom to earn the love of others. As a matter of fact, What is the formula to earn the love of the people around? To love. If we love, they will love us as well, because the universe is like a mirror. However, as I said to many patients, we do not love to get a reward of love, we love because it comes from within us. If the people around us don’t love us, it’s unimportant to us. They will love us in addition, yes, but it’s not something we have to speculate about. The same goes related to Service. We are not helpful to the others so that they are useful to us, because we're going to serve through impersonal Love. And remember that Impersonal Love doesn’t need. Impersonal Love gives. If they give us a reward as a consequence to our altruistic acts, so be it, because we're not going to be absolutely false and arrogant, to say no, no, no, we don’t need anything, because everyone needs something either a caress or a hug, because even the Masters of Light enjoy the hug when they are embodied. And they enjoy the conceptual hug, when they are not embodied. Why do those low spiritual beings manipulate? Because they want to attract the attention, they need, because they do not know how to get noticed. Then, they lack due to their own blunt way of being, they are rejected and instead of changing their behavior and say: “well, I will try to please the other” they are still offended in their honor, we will talk about the real honor later on, because what I am talking about is not honor. What they believe honor means, actually is the ego talking. And they seek revenge speculating, to gain power, either playing the role of victim or playing the inquisitive role of ego. Most of the time, they play the role of victim. They usually try to transfer the blame to the other for something they think the other person did: - You're late; you have abandoned me, Look at me! If something terrible had happened to me, the blame would be entirely yours. This transfer of blame sometimes reaches the target and the other person says: - Perhaps she is right and I behaved like a scoundrel, I should have told her... However, the other person doesn’t do it on purpose. Sometimes the person spent time distracted doing a certain task... Although one must be aware of the partner in a loving relationship or a friendship, it doesn’t mean that one has to be oversaturating, asphyxiating the other person. One must be alert if the other person needs something. But many times, as humans, we are fallible, is what I mean, we are fallible, and sometimes we have an oversight and we cannot be everywhere, we cannot control everything, we are not God. We are part of God, but we are not the whole. We are a molecule of the whole, a molecule that follows an evolutionary path, but a molecule in the end. Let’s not demand from our strength more than what we can give. We are growing step by step, and, as a healthy warning, we will always stumble and fall. The secret is to get back on our feet again, like a Phoenix, rising from the ashes, before resuming the road. That's what we do one and 1000 times. But let’s not play the role of victim, whining every time we fail. Let's take it as a healthy teaching, and from that teaching we will follow ahead. But let’s not be pedantic to say I passed through this experience already, I know what it is. Because each experience is unique, each job is unique, each friendship is unique, and each spouse is unique. Once I heard an old lady say: “Yes, I was married three times, and I know how men are like.” I laughed inwardly because I also heard from a friend who told me: “I already know women because I had several partners.” And I looked at him and said: “How naive you are. You think that you know all women just because you met few people, and you don’t know that each person is unique, different, thank God it is so, thank God. Even soul mates, who vibrate in the same syntony, are different from each other in some aspects. Because it is not mandatory to have the same tastes. To vibrate in syntony means to have the ability, the sanity, the understanding and open-mindedness to agree. Maybe they won’t agree with each other at the first attempt, but an elevated person, who vibrates in syntony, will reach agreement with the other. As I said in one of my first sessions, Twin souls are not always to get along, because there are soul mates from the planes of error that are like rabid dogs that fight over a bone. They will not share anything; they can even tear apart each other for that bone. It’s not so simple. I’ll complete the topic of manipulation. Manipulation is to cut off the free will of the other, and it means somehow to cut off the wonderful heritage that the Father gave to us all, which is our freedom to choose. A manipulative person, any person who takes by force something, or a person who subdues by force is not a good person; he/she is not a good person inherently. And I think that there is something beyond a reactive mind, beyond an engram, or a role of ego. These are people, who have an evil background, and they need not only a lot of Light, but a lot of help and guidance, but also they will need many incarnations to clean up their negative spirits from these impurities. Not everything is white or black. There are thousands and thousands of shades of gray; otherwise it would be so simple... And I want you to understand that no technique has the ultimate answer or the final magic wand, not even Psychointegration, which is a technique I created with much love and respect, because with a short talk, a humble lecture can teach everyone to handle the roles of ego so that the central self be the one that has the control and not falling in vain impulses or silly whims. Not even Psychointegration has the magic wand. It can help some people and it may be ineffective to others. I had left the topic related to Honor for the end. We had talked about loyalty and faithfulness. Honor is related to the principles. A person of honor is a person who has principles. There cannot be principles if the person has dishonor, because the person who is not honorable lacks of principles, that person betrays, is not loyal and is not faithful. Then, the whole chain falls apart. Honor Is required for the person to have strong principles, (spiritual, correct.) Sound principles are needed for a person to be loyal, and loyalty is required for a person to have faithfulness to others and to himself. Many people have a misconception of what faithfulness or loyalty is. It goes beyond not committing a deceit. It has to do with being faithful to the principles of life. It has to do with being faithful to what one wants. It has to do, as we say, not to be like the weathercock, or like a cyclothymic person, not changing my mind every day. Because then, we would be like that retriever dog that does not know what partridge to hunt and it goes for one or another... We, somehow, must have a goal, not a blind goal like the rabbit that follows the carrot, or like the greyhound that chases the bone. No, a concrete goal, and let’s think that there might be two things that can happen: That the goal can be frustrated, then, we choose another goal without giving up, or that we reach that goal and then move on immediately to find another goal.  What wastage! Some people will say. It would be wastage if we take the goals as obligations, or if we take Service as an obligation. Or if we take loyalty as an obligation, or if we take a right lifestyle for fear, but if all we do, we do it for our own good and for the good of others, it will make us happy and we won’t end up worn out. And if everyone were aware thinking how beautiful the other person is as an equal to us, just like a brother to us, there would be no need for anyone to manipulate. Finally, to those who still insist on manipulation, it would be good that they respect the NO of the other. Because we won’t always get along with everyone. From 10 people we meet, we can get along well with 3, other 3 people can look at us with indifference and the remaining 4 people might dislike us, and it’s okay that it is so, because they do not vibrate in our syntony and we don’t vibrate in their syntony. Let’s respect them, we won’t invalidate anybody. Maybe it’s not their time or our time, because we are not the owners of the truth. We are looking for the great truth, and we have our truth that we will defend, but we're not being locked up in that truth. We have to keep our eyes wide open, almost as wide as our opinion, and check if the other is saying something important, and grasp it, understand it, share it. If we share it every day we will be more clinged to others, and that's what matters. Clinged to the other does not mean not allowing freedom of action to the other, clinged to another spirit. I mean to take the other in a loving way without handcuffing him, without imprisoning him. The hug, finally, must be without choking, but it has to be an accomplice hug, but accomplice in a good way, sharing the energy, sharing Light. And the other, instead of feeling pressured, he will feel a freedom so great, with a desire to pop just like those fireworks during holidays. Let’s pop in spirit, like those fireworks. That's it.