AFFECTIVE UPS AND DOWNS  

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AFFECTIVE UPS AND DOWNS

Psychointegration Session
22/Nov/2006
By Jorge Raul Olguin.

It has been said several times that Psychointegration provides the tools to eradicate the roles of ego. Those roles that immersed us in vanity and those roles that tear us down with low self-esteem. Roles of ego that make us quite permissive, or roles of ego that transform us in despots. It would be a great mistake if we think that all our affective problems can be solved by eradicating these roles of ego, I mean ‘solved’, in the sense that the affected person would think that he/she has achieved his/her purpose of returning to that state of happiness, which was seemingly lost.

However, the subject goes through another part. Being the person de-identified, without those roles of ego that pull from one side to the other, he/she has no longer the sign on the forehead of permissive or despot, manipulative or inoperative, there are no labels. The person becomes a master of his/her own actions, and the roles of ego do not operate anymore, but the individual becomes self-determined.

The person will have the stars to guide him, “Love and Dignity.” Because true Love cannot exist without Dignity. I have said it many times that when we were children they taught us: “Do not do to others what you wouldn’t want others to do to you.” Dignity teaches us, “You don’t allow others do to you what you would not do to them.” Dignity means learning to say ‘no’, because there are many people who depend on the approval of others and they don’t dare to say ‘no’ because they fear of a possible loss, they don’t dare to say ‘no’ because they are afraid of what other people will say, they don’t dare to say ‘no’ because they are afraid of a terrible answer, they don’t dare to say ‘no’ because they don’t consider to themselves.

We know that the aspiration of every human being, apart from loving everybody in an impersonal way, which is something that we all should do, is to love in a personal way and to be loved personally. But who did not go through a situation in which sometimes we see a target who does not keep his/her eyes on us? We also lived situations in which we started a relationship and either we changed or the other person changed, because we are not robots, we are embodied spirits, and we can evolve or regress. One of the parties can move to a higher vibration or to a denser vibration or remain in the same vibrational plane. Or perhaps we lived a relationship which was apparently compatible in the beginning, but at this moment it is not compatible, or at least not for one of the partners. The other partner, who is absolutely dependent on that love, which in fact is not love but a mirage, is not going to see or care or will not want to understand that his/her partner does not exist anymore, and in the short term he/she will want to keep near that love which is no longer reciprocated.

You can ask me then, How come that love became and unrequited love? Because as I have said on several occasions one of the strongest parts of Love is Respect. And when you do not consider your partner; that means disrespect, because disrespect is not only an insult, an aggression or an assault. Disrespect, and I have said it in other sessions of psychointegration, has to do with ignoring your partner, disregarding the other person or making decisions without consulting the other partner, or changing the roles where one person is right and the dependent person is wrong.

How does Psychointegration solve the suffering of the dependent person from that love?
Giving to that person the main tool to rediscover himself/ herself, “Understanding that no spirit needs the approval of others, because we all are important in some way or another and we all are unique!”

Of course there are spirits with more knowledge, who convey concepts faster, and these concepts are transmitted to the embodied being on the physical plane. There will be faster and slower people when understanding something, people who are more enlightened, and people who are less enlightened.

It is not true that all the spirits are equal! However, there are other things that make us equal such as Love and Dignity. For if we have Dignity, we understand that we all are unique. Let’s remember that for the spirit, for every spirit, the power to offer assistance to others is paramount, and the spirit who has not found this capacity yet will not evolve, not in the way that we would want to.

A Tibetan Master said: "Every human being is useful in the measure that he serves". In a phrase I would say that this is the most important thing, I believe that this is really important, (being useful to the other.) This society is so materialistic that typecasts human beings by the color of the skin, their bank account, or if the person is male or female (yes, also that). People value other people according to how they have achieved success in that society. But when one is living in the spirit, this is the least important thing, because the spirit has no bank account, no race, no color, and no religion. The spirit only believes in Love and Dignity, and the spirit is part of the Creator, because we all have the same opportunities.

And if sometimes we don’t see these opportunities on the physical plane it’s because we chose in advance, from the spiritual plane, to embody in a particular place, in a particular family, under certain circumstances in order to learn certain karmic lessons, but since we do not remember, because we have no reincarnative memory, we simply say that life is unfair with us. One will not be inclined to cultivate that relationship if one sees that the other person does nothing, like a person who is willing to love, but love is not available to him, because personal love means needing, personal love is fueled from feelings and emotions. Personal love, being part of emotion, can manipulate through indifference if one person has control over the relationship.

A relationship, I’m not saying perfect, because on the physical plane there is no perfection. An almost perfect relationship would be where both partners pay attention to each other, where both partners respect each other, where both partners compete to offer assistance to each other, where one is looking after the other; however, this does not mean suffocating each other, but understanding and respecting the space and silence of the other partner.

For example, I was told that a friend was a teacher, paying attention to the other does not mean smothering that person, not at all. Why do we misunderstand this position? One thing is to be permanently indifferent, and the other is to be always on top of the other, suffocating the person. In a relationship, where two people love each other, it’s normal that one pays attention to the other, but there are times when the other person needs to do things and he/she needs a space to be alone and that's not bad, not bad at all.

Although it’s not easy to fill with love everything that one really wants, Psychointegration teaches us that if you hold your Dignity up high, you will be important, even if you live without that love you long for, even if that love reciprocates to you drop by drop or even if it’s an unrequited love, because although it’s important for you that you have found love, you think that you're important in the measure that they love you, and it’s not like that. “You are important because you love, not because others love you.” If other people love you it would be a consequence, if they don’t love you; that’s their problem and not a problem of yours. However, the most important thing is that the universe is like a child and in the measure that we are worthy, we will create worthy people like us.

If you behave with Dignity, without thinking that breaking up with a love is a failure, but thinking that it’s the incentive to live that love with a different behavior on your behalf, or living with a new love whom you deserve more, even if you shine in a different way, you will attract what until now you did not attract with a behavior similar to the role of victim. Because if you feel sorry for yourself you cannot attract love, not even pity is attracted. One attracts the role of victim, and the role of victim is a feeling of the ego unlike piety, which will be a greater feeling, it would be like a feeling of grief or sadness, but from the impersonal way, not appreciating the person as a gem, but saying, “You are worthy and you have ups and downs,” but I can also give you a hand, that's piety, unlike the daily emotional pity that looks down on someone.

If we inspire pity, we know very well what people like or dislike, it would be the opposite effect to which we want to achieve on the other person, which is admiration. Pity does not inspire admiration, it inspires more pity. On the contrary, Dignity inspires admiration. (I can be lying on the ground, but with my head held high.) Even when we are in the worst moment, we try as far as possible to be worthy. Dignity means also learning to say ‘no’ when something is wrong, or if something is not good for us. And not being permissive trying to see if being lenient with the other person we will achieve what we couldn’t so far. 

Being permissive we will not achieve it, because unfortunately there are people so quick in their minds, but in their thinking they are like machines that can read our thoughts, metaphorically speaking, because there is no telepathy on the physical plane. We convey with our intentions that the more permissive we are, the more they will be able to manipulate us and we will achieve the opposite result. The complication of the tools to say, “I'm important, but I'm not important because of my achievements, I am important for all I have to offer,” because there are people who have a lot of capacity, but they fall apart when other people close the doors on them and so they no longer believe they are important. I don’t think so.

If the human being were important due to his conquests, if a man were important for his achievements. Does that mean that the human being is important? Perhaps for the approval of others? It’s not like that, no. I want to make it very clear to avoid any misunderstanding, of course that everyone is important, everyone including myself, not because of our achievements, but we do not have to live for the goal, but for the quest. The goal will be the end of my life, because when I reach the goal, What else? I have to keep looking for more and more goals. The purpose of writing this Psychointegration session is aimed at those people who have found a partner and they have become dormant, they are lost on the way, they have the mental agility neglected, and those qualities that made them valuable as people are hidden to them.

However, they forget the main thing; they forget that they have to conquer his/her partner every day. How many times they have been told they are well prepared, but love is like a plant that has to be watered regularly? Psychointegration is also applied to that, because as well as we have to cultivate our spirit, Who said that we should neglect our body? In a note that I have written many years ago I explained that we are like a rider on a horse. I explained that our body is the horse and the rider is our spirit that guides us in life. We must take care of the horse. We must take care of the physical part, so that our spirit keeps on riding. But we do not have to neglect our spirit either. The spirit-rider, the horse-body must go together with Dignity. There is no need to be perfect in life because in this life, the only perfect one is God, Eon.

We are in the quest of perfection. Perfection which we will find through Love and Dignity. But let’s remember that Love means giving, and from giving through Service we can actually receive. However, if that person, from whom we hope to receive love, does not reciprocate our love, we are not the poor if we remain without that love. The poorer will be the person who has nothing inside to give.

If we understand this truth, we will embark on a new stage of life. A stage in which we all are valuable and worthy because we knew how to love at least. What about the other? Did he/she know how to love? We will look at those who are poor and rich in love. Because so far they have taught us in the wrong way, we were taught that the poor is the one who does not receive love, and they told us that the rich is the one who has love everywhere, when the reality is totally different… “The rich is the one who knows how to give Love, and the poor is the one who does not know how to Love, the one who is waiting for love everywhere.” because that is a façade, it is only a façade.

That will be over. I will not contradict myself, but let’s think that the horse that carries the rider on the road of life is withering away. Then, those narcissistic people who only think about the physical part do not realize that if they do not cultivate what really matters (the spirit inside), they will be left with nothing, with a physical and a spiritual part withered, with nothing. I think it’s the opposite.

And I say it in a very humble way, it’s the opposite. Let’s choose to Love, let’s concentrate on Dignity. And let’s not think that we are poor and lonely because we didn’t receive that love from other people. We are rich! Because we had Love inside and we offered to others. As long as we understand that we are rich in Love and Dignity, we will attract true Love like a magnet. Perhaps we have that love now, or that love is gone already, or maybe that love has not yet come.

Let’s get to work!

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