DIFFICULTY OF FINDING LOVE PARTNER  

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DIFFICULTY OF FINDING LOVE PARTNER

Psychointegracion Session
19/May/2008
By Jorge Raul Olguin. 

There is a very, very important thing; It’s not true that all spirits are identical, it’s not true that all people are similar. But the most important thing is that we all give importance to ourselves. Sometimes we can be shy with our friends or relatives or even when we speak to a person of the opposite sex, probably this is caused by engrams from past lives, it can also be due to circumstances of this life; it can also be the upbringing or circumstances of this present life that have happened to us, but what we have to keep in mind is that we should not seek the approval of others, we should not consider what others think about us,  but we must consider what we think of ourselves.

Probably from ten people we know there will be two people who are compatible to us, there will be two people who treat us with disdain or rejection and the other six people can be indifferent to us; let’s say that no one has a guaranteed success, but we don’t have a complete defeat either. This means that until we don’t try what we want to achieve, we don’t know what will happen.

All human beings react in the same way that most mammals react, that is, in this aspect I say it, when something has our interest too much and we think that it is too much for us, then we feel shyness, we falter, we hesitate, we are not capable to achieve it, and conversely, when something is not interesting to us, we feel safe to the point of despising the person in some cases. And that's a title we give, it's a label we give. Suddenly, if you see a very pretty girl and next to her you see yourself as an unattractive, insignificant being and with that pretty young woman you don’t have the words to express the first thing you think saying: "The least she will do is to look at me because there are many other people more important than me"

Now, who says that there are other people more important than you? You are saying that! Because the importance is not given by a bank account or very expensive clothing brand; the importance is given by the inner part or ourselves. It does not matter where we work, how we look like, what matters is how we are in our inner-self.

And suddenly we meet that beautiful girl, in the outside, and then we talked to her and we realize that she is a shallow person who has emptiness inside, who speaks only about fashion; in contrast to other girl, who was labeled as ugly and unattractive, there is a person with a tremendous spirit who overwhelms us talking. Then, we were wrong over and over again.

And most of the people I know feel some fear and uncertainty when talking to a person of the opposite sex who is attractive, beautiful, because they think, they prejudge that they will automatically be rejected. However, this is not because that person is superior, but because the person who is going to face her considers inferior himself. And that's what we should not do, that's what it should not be.

Superiority or inferiority in a person don’t exist. I insist, this has nothing to do with a bank account at all; because I know many people who are judges or deputies and they are people who do not get along with their wives, their children do not respect them, they live torturing people or cheating others, then Where is this superiority? Superiority or inferiority do not exist, but being a good or bad person depends on us.

I think that the only way that the others don’t doubt of us is that we do not doubt first. I do not know if it is clear. This means that if you're going to talk to someone and you feel some embarrassment when talking to that person is because you do not approve yourself, not the other person; if that person does not know you, and he/she does not know what kind of person you are. You are going to hesitate, you can even stutter or hesitate because of the lack of security, which is in you. The other person does not know you, he/she does not know who you are.

Obviously this has to do with a role of ego. It is a tremendous low self-esteem of the person who thinks that it's a very high goal, "It's a very high 'target', too high for me." And it is not like that.

I believe that all beings have the same opportunities and on the other hand we will assume it right? Let’s suppose that you work in a badly paid job, you follow me? And suddenly you have a love rival, who is triumphant, but shallow, and that young girl chooses another person. If she chose that other person is because both of them have compatibility with each other. She is a shallow person; then that other person is shallow too. So, you got rid of a burden that has an empty brain.

With this I don’t mean that people are looking for someone deep because most of the human beings always are guided by their eyes, then, they first will look at the person appearance, if they have a pretty silhouette, if they have a pretty face, if they speak interestingly, because human beings are like that; since we don’t know the spirit of the person, the first thing we are going to look at will be the physical figure, if he/she is slender, if he/she has a body like those advertisements for "jeans" on the TV and then we'll look at the inner part.

And the opposite sex will do the same with us; they are always going to be discarding the person who has a mildly negative figure. But I have friends, personal friends, who are not very graceful in their physical shape, they are not tall or slender, however they have a tremendous success with the opposite sex. And do you know why? by something called charisma, by something called trust. They go to a party where they meet men and women they say funny things, they laugh, they have fun, they feel confident, and soon after they are surrounded by people of the opposite sex who find them nice, even if they are not handsome or anything. It does not mean that each party they are going to conquer someone, but let’s understand that everything goes through the inside part, not from the outside. Because that young man, who really exists, is called Alexander, is a person who has a lot of people who admire him, who love him, not only friends, but also emotional relationships because he is a person who has charisma.

Then everything goes through charisma, it has nothing to do with a bank account, or if you are beautiful or not, and I think that the beautiful thing happens inside of us. One has to be kind to others and be sympathetic. That’s the issue.

And there is not a person who goes to a place and everyone likes him. That does not exist. You are going to be liked by some people and others will find you indifferent. But hey, that's life, I include myself. I, as a professor, will go to place where they practice self-help as an ordinary person who looks around, and there will be people who find me nice and people that find me indifferent, and that’s okay, it does not bother me because I'm above of that, but not above in the egotistical sense, but in the sense that it seems perfect to me. These are the rules of the game. 

But I insist, shyness is something internal, something from us, it’s something related to prejudice, when we prejudge ourselves. It's like when you go to a job interview and suddenly there's a line of people and you say: "Ah, but what am I going to wait? There are many talented young people here", and what do you know? You rule out yourself early?

The same happens when you go to a ballroom to dance, you'll hear the music and see a girl who is right there and you say: "No, why would I go to her with all the young people around? Who's going to notice me? And why not? If you do not try, you don’t know. There is a common saying: "The 'no' we already have it, we are going for the 'yes'." We have fifty percent of 'yes' and fifty percent of 'no' but if we don’t try we have a hundred percent of 'no'. Is that understood? That's the secret.

It does not mean with these words that suddenly, your shyness will disappear and you will wake up tomorrow suddenly as an "X-Men"; it’s not like that. Because security is being incorporated, accepting oneself, one has to accept oneself and this has nothing to do with the "family" or what we did before, or our way of life, or origin, if we are Europeans, if we are Latinos, if we are American... never mind that; what matters is the spirit, the spirit has no color, no sex, no bank account. So depends on what we are inside, how we are, our inner greatness. But greatness is not to boast, greatness is truly being humble. Now, if there’s an interesting person from another side who ignores you, showing yourself humble, it does not mean you have to change; it means that that person is not worthy. Let him/her pass. Do you understand?

So everything has to do with one, all through one. There is no formula for the affections, to win the affections. There is no formula. I simply say that a person who is "secure" will have more chance to conquer someone nice compared to a person who is insecure, because the person who is insecure is like he/she disapproves himself/herself: "No, I will not compete, how can I to compete! "But if you have not even come to the competition! What do you know if you're losing or winning? We should not auto exclude before it happens. Or perhaps I say: "Oh, but why am I going to compete in the gym if I have sixty and young people of twenty years old? They will surpass me!" I do not know. I'm going to compete, surely I will not win, but I hope not to be the last. That’s what I mean. That is the true self-esteem. Self-esteem is not about being first, but feeling important, let’s finish the task, we reach the goal, and once we reach that goal, we seek for another goal.

Religion teaches us badly. It says that ambition is negative. Ambition is not negative; What harm is there in wanting? what harm is there in having projects? There is nothing wrong. The foolish thing is the ambition, suddenly saying: "Oh, I'd like to be on a luxury cruise and pay twenty thousand euros for two months in the sea." It's okay. If you have two million, no problem, you spend twenty thousand; but if twenty thousand is all you have in your bank account and you spend it, well; you are unconscious. I have not that money, then I’d not spend it even If I had it.

Sure, exactly. Everything has to be balanced, besides we have an advantage, I say it always, we do not have a soul mate, we have a hundred soul mates; then if it’s not this one, it will be the other, someone will be; that's the most important thing. Yes, of course it is and we have no age, that is, you do not have to exclude yourself for your age: "Ah, no, but I know young people who are twenty years old and they have partners, I am old... "No, there is no age to find love, no age.

In the self-help workshops I know women of fifty years old who are separated, divorced, whatever and they find a new partner and they start a new life and it seems perfect. So we should never exclude ourselves, never.

God always gives us new opportunities. Everyone has the right and that’s fine. I always say that life gives us a rematch, but do not misunderstand me; not a revenge against someone, because that would be wrong; but a rematch with ourselves, suddenly there are opportunities that we have lost and abruptly, life, God, whatever, gives us new opportunities. You have to wait for the right moment and take those opportunities. That's the secret, and that can be achieved.

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